After a divorce, there can be many, many “you did this!” “You did that.” statements. The kind of conversations that only lead to an argument filled with anger and hate towards one another.
There are several times a year, even still to this day that I get a call or a letter of what a lousy husband I was. At this point I have two options; option 1 is to defend myself for the hundredth time and attack back. Option 2 is to let it go.
They may be attacking you and dangling that hook in front of you, but you don’t have to bite and attack back. You already know in your heart that you made mistakes; you know they made mistakes, and you know that you are a good person working on being a better Christian day by day. God has forgiven you, you have forgiven yourself, and it is not your fault your ex can’t do the same. You no longer live in the past, and that is a choice you have made. Your ex may not be to that point, or they may simply be having a really bad day and feel like bashing you.
When this happens, I tend to do one of two things depending on how I am approached. If it is by phone and it starts to get out of hand, I simply hang up. I might have to do this 3 or 4 times before she stops calling back or starts to communicate appropriately. Now sometimes, I get rants and raves in writing mixed with comments or questions about our child. I tend to start to respond to it all as if I were defending myself and telling her to get over it then when all is said and done with I set it aside. Over time I consider; will this help matters or make it worse? Granted I defended myself, but I got to remember that I have done that dozens and dozens of times before, with no positive results. It is simply not worth it anymore. I go back and tear out the pages and only address the concerns of the child in a business-like manner, straight to the point without offending verbiage.
Don’t hesitate to call on the Holy Spirit for help as well, but sometimes things get out of control before you realize what’s going on, we are only human, and you find yourself praying to Jesus for forgiveness instead. I know the times I reacted out of the flesh, and in anger, it only made matters worse, and everything I said fell on deaf ears because it continues to happen. If you follow these steps and don’t fight back eventually, they will get the message and won’t attack you as much. If they aren’t getting a rise out of you then what’s the point? You have a life to live, and trivial arguments from the past aren’t worth much in the grand scheme of things.