How Can I Get Pass This Hurtful Feeling

by Jason Deines

in Questions & Answers

Submitted by Wini:

I am 45 and was married for 16 years and went through a painful divorce 9 months ago. He left me for a much younger woman and that really hurts. During the marriage he was unfaithful. He showed me no affection, I justified myself and had a fling with an ex as revenge but he didn’t even know. I felt so guilty. I was unhappy but didn’t want a divorce because i come from a broken home and i didn’t want the same for my son however when he filed for divorce i didn’t contend it and i let him go. I have custody of our son and he spends every other weekend with his father. I get deeply hurt when he comes back and tells me about outings with his dad and the younger woman. It hurts to know that, that same woman is now in my sons life. I feel old and ugly as i have put on a lot of weight. This divorce brought me closer to God, but i am still hurting not because i want my ex husband back, never. All i feel is hatred for him. I feel he has disorganised my life and all seems to be going very well for him. Sometimes i feel strong and other times i feel so weak. We don’t talk and i never want to talk to him again because he hurt me so much. How can i get pass this hurtful feeling? Its eating me up, I need advice.

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Jason

Here goes, for starters you need to let go of the past. Forgive yourself, your ex, and the woman in his life. It is what it is and you can’t do anything about it. All you are doing is driving yourself crazy. Let go of the hatred also remember that you are only 9 months into this so you may very well still be angry which is fine but don’t let it continue if you can get it under control. You’re aware of it so do something about it. Simply give it up to God and think on other matters.

Now mind you, I am coming here and saying this when not 15 minutes ago I was cursing my ex for breaking up our family – holidays are tough for me. :-\ But here I am, feeling better because I know that God loves me and has a purpose for me.

Don’t let the thoughts of your son being around “that woman” get to you. Is she good to him? Then be grateful and thankful because it could be different. He knows you are his mom and he loves you and feels comfortable enough to share his experience with you. Look for the good. I know, not the best advice but you will get through this. Be the best mom you can for your son.

Take control of your life, lose the weight and get spritually, physically, and emotionally healthy! We are special beings created by God and when you let one of the three aspects suffer then they all will suffer. Exercise and eat healthy – you will not only shed the pounds but you will teach your son how to live healthy. You will feel more attractive and you will attract healthier people.

After my divorce I took this approach focusing on these three aspects. I lost weight and put on lean muscle, I did it naturally and I feel great. Now God is humbling me right now but I am learning (different story). The weight loss program I used is

Everything you mentioned you have control over. You can make your life better simply by letting go and choosing to change. Also remember that it has been less than a year since your divorce so don’t try to rush it.

2 Wini

Thanks so much Jason for your advice. Forgiving someone who has deeply hurt you does not come easy but i need to do this for myself and by His grace i will. God richly bless you for the wonderful job you are doing.

3 Jason

Thanks Wini and I completely agree with you that forgiving some is difficult but you can fake it till you make it. Keep telling yourself that you have forgiven and it will come. You will have good days and bad, we all do but I bet you will start having many more good days very soon.

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