What do I do Now

Submitted by Marilyn:

I hate myself, I hate my ex-husband, but love him so much! After he lied to me, he expected our relationship to be fine. With my background, I needed time to heal my pain, instead he worked so much and didn’t pay attention to me. He treated me as though I was an accessory to the home. He says its all in my head, I am insecure, immature, and stupid. Why do I still love this man? He is the person that likes to live above his means and still competes with his ex-wife. She just sent him a picture of her new car, which makes him want to get a convertible. It’s been seven years since they divorce and two and a half that he’s been with me….married for only six months because he left me to go with his mother. Why do I still hurt so much? I put all this time, effort, and emotion into this relationship and this is what I get out of it. A man who tells me he loves me, breaks my windshield, calls me his ex-wife’s name and then because I call the cops he says I don’t love him! Are these things suppose to keep happening to God’s children? Are we suppose to hurt this much? I can not see the clarity in it at all. Where is the light at the end of this tunnel? He is so worried about his money and how far he can make it, but doesn’t leave room for our dreams, just his. He wants to be an independant film producer because his ex-wife’s husband is that. His competition is awful. Why did he marry me if he felt that way with her still? Where is God in the midst of this? I can not feel this way because I have four children to take care of, so where and what do I do know?

One Reply to “What do I do Now”

  1. Marilyn,

    I wish I had all the answers for you and I know you are not alone. Who knows why we do the things we do and love the people we love. Sounds like there was a lot of dysfunction within the relationship and if you want my opinion I would look at working on yourself so you will make better decisions in the future. You also need to come to a place where you can love yourself… God truly does love you and you need to do the same. You need to forgive you ex and realize that the enemy has a strong foothold on him and the road he is on will lead to hurt and possibly destruction.

    1. Learn to Love!
    2. Seek the will of God for your life.
    3. The only person you can change is You!

    Hope this helps – trust me I know what you are feeling. I have been there but you don’t have to stay there. Find ways to move on and consider Christian counseling, I did and it helped a lot.

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