Submitted by Marilyn:
I hate myself, I hate my ex-husband, but love him so much! After he lied to me, he expected our relationship to be fine. With my background, I needed time to heal my pain, instead he worked so much and didn’t pay attention to me. He treated me as though I was an accessory to the home. He says its all in my head, I am insecure, immature, and stupid. Why do I still love this man? He is the person that likes to live above his means and still competes with his ex-wife. She just sent him a picture of her new car, which makes him want to get a convertible. It’s been seven years since they divorce and two and a half that he’s been with me….married for only six months because he left me to go with his mother. Why do I still hurt so much? I put all this time, effort, and emotion into this relationship and this is what I get out of it. A man who tells me he loves me, breaks my windshield, calls me his ex-wife’s name and then because I call the cops he says I don’t love him! Are these things suppose to keep happening to God’s children? Are we suppose to hurt this much? I can not see the clarity in it at all. Where is the light at the end of this tunnel? He is so worried about his money and how far he can make it, but doesn’t leave room for our dreams, just his. He wants to be an independant film producer because his ex-wife’s husband is that. His competition is awful. Why did he marry me if he felt that way with her still? Where is God in the midst of this? I can not feel this way because I have four children to take care of, so where and what do I do know?