Should I Let Her Go

by Jason Deines

in Questions & Answers

Submitted by Michael

My wife left me over 6 weeks ago. We have been togeather for 14 years and married 6 years. I never Hit or ran around on her, but Ive never been a very loving person to her. In other words I took her for granted in so many ways. I have worked in Law Enforcement for over 27 years and I must say that I have become a very dark person. I dont want to get close to anyone. My wife Is also a cop and that makes matters worse seeing her everyday. I know I have turned my back on God and now I turned my life back over to him. Not just because of my wife leaving me because I now I have to change the person I have become. My wife, at this time does not want to take about God. Shes very angry right now. Should I set her free and leave her in peace and work on just me. I dont want a Divorce. Ive told her Im very sorry for the bad things ive said to her. But still she is too angry to even talk about us getting back. The only thing she will tell me is she need to find her heart again. And I have left her be. I dont call or write. Letting her go this way is killing me and I dont know If im doing the right thing.

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Jason

Michael I can understand your frustration. As men we want to work things out quickly and logically. When we come to a place in our lives and decide to make a change for the better we know in our hearts we will follow through however, the people that we have hurt will take some convincing. In my opinion, if your wife has not filed for a divorce you shouldn’t either. Continue pursuing God and letting Him give you a new heart.

As hard as it is, give your wife some space to also find what she needs. Continue to pray for her and ask God to reveal to you the right time to approach her. Maybe in time write her a short and kind note expressing your love. If she is angry at you I would validate her feelings and let her know that you are working on it and be specific.

As an officer you need to protect yourself out in public however, you know that your heart doesn’t need to be cold and shut off. You are in a position of authority and God will use that. People respect you and need you. Let God melt that cold heart!

I hope this helps a bit. All I can really say is that I can relate to your sadness and desire to work things out. God Bless You…


PS. Today was a blessed day at church and we had a pastor from Chicago speaking to us. I think that you would benefit from it very much

2 Limyrith

Michael, I will talk to you from the wife point of view. My strange husband is also a cop. Yes he took me for granted too and after 15 years of marriage and 4 kids, I was emotionally involved with another person. I dont talk to that person anymore but it made me realize two things: one that relationships need to be worked everyday and that divorce brings out the worst in people. I have been through a lot and there is not love between us left. But if you still love her go too counceling start wooing her again. Find out what when wrong. I am at rock bottom so I put my faith in God. He will heal your heart. It is hard for me to trust too, I have been starve, humiliated and emotionally abuse for almost a year. I stayed in the same house in different rooms for the kids. But the situation has turned totally toxic. Give her some time and just put it in God’s hand, pray for him to show you guys the path to be together and happy again. Please read the book the languages of love. I might help. Just because my marriage ended I made it my mission to help others. If you both humble yourselves you will find the road back home. May God bless you and your wife.

3 D

Michael, I am so happy to see that you love her and that you want her back. I think the same as Jason, pray lots, and hopefully when she softens a bit, just go ALL out, flowers, chocolates, dinners, etc (if she likes that kind of stuff), but just constantly show her how much you love her. Think of it as you have a lot of loving to show her and I suspect it will really touch her heart. Even research inventive ways of being kind/romantic. You’re doing so great that you want to be close to God!!!

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