Men Don't Have to Lose the Divorce Battle

Men Don’t Have to Lose the Divorce Battle

by Jason Deines

in Child Custody and CoParenting, Featured

This post is primarily for men. I am simply passing along information and not looking for a long heated debate.

None of us want to come home and hear from our spouses lips, “I want a divorce.” I remember the day my wife told me. It was nearly 11 pm and I was drifting off to sleep when she woke me because she wanted to talk. Knowing that if I didn’t not let her speak her mind I would not get any sleep. Little did I expect to hear what came next. So much for a good night’s rest – after her informing me of the divorce. I think back and wonder why the heck she couldn’t wait a few more hours before breaking the news to me. She had been planning it for some time the least she could of done was let me get a good nights sleep. Oh how I digress…

The point being women tend to lead the way on filing for divorce. According to a study published in the American Law and Economics Review women tend to file for divorce more than 60 percent of the time. States with the no-fault divorce (neither party has to show wrong doing) it is over 70 percent. I am not trying to scare men out there but this really puts you at an disadvantage. Chances are your spouse has been contemplating and planning the divorce for some time. If they talk to a lawyer they are given guidance on what they should and should not do, many times strengthening their case against you and you don’t even know it.

I would like to say times are changing and men are seeing more favorable outcomes in court, however I am uncertain this to be the case. The point is that when we finally hear of the divorce it has has been in the planning stages for some time. I was in such shock that I did not contest much and luckily all I really lost was a few thousand dollars. Money is just money and can be replaced but what about when it comes to your children? There are so many mistakes a person can make and not even know it. If you can – get advice from a lawyer as soon as you hear about the divorce. If you can’t afford a lawyer contact the county courthouse for other options they might have resources that will help. Don’t let the fact that you were blind-sided by this whole ordeal and that they appear to have the upper-hand keep you from fighting for what is important.

Tips for Choosing a Family Divorce Lawyer


{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Beth

Jason,
I wish divorce didn’t have to happen, but in many cases, women are the ones filing for divorce because they are tired of husbands who don’t take marriages seriously. Women are tired of being cheated on, they’re tired of being abused, they’re tired of their husbands not listening, lying, and not trying. A man who’s cheating, abusing, not listening, lying and not trying is not going to file for a divorce. Many times, men want a divorce but they don’t want to be the one to file, so they make life miserable until their wife files for a divorce. I’m not saying that all men who are divorced were this way, I’m just saying that when 2 people get married, divorce is the furthest thing from their minds, but somewhere along the line, they start taking each other for granted, they stop loving and forgiving. They stop trying and it’s kind of hard to have a good marriage relationship when only one of you is working on the marriage.

We all make mistakes, but I think it’s important to be pro-active in marriage and work hard to make sure the spark doesn’t die and that you don’t take the other person for granted.

2 Elaine

I would have to agree with Beth when she says “Many times, men want a divorce but they don’t want to be the one to file,” this was the situation I found myself to be in when my husband told me to file. I submitted to his authority using the reference as a reference “1 Corinthians 7:15 But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart” NKJ version . I struggled with this so before I let this go to court I tried to resolve the situation, but it takes two wanting the same results. It seemed he was more worried about being right and not how we could find a way to fix our relationship.

3 Jason

Yes, I often have to agree with Beth myself and I do know what you are saying about men pushing for a divorce but not actually the ones to file. Yet, I think more oftne than not they are unaware of the situation and even more important I don’t think they fight hard enough to be with the children and that is even more critical.

4 Carrie

In my case, my husband had been involved in two ongoing affairs in less than a year. I thought we were overcoming the first one when he became involved in the second one and moved out of our house and in with his girlfriend.

I held out on filing for divorce as long as I could, standing firm and believing God would heal us, until my husband started making some financial decisions that I feared would cause more devistation to myself and our children if I didn’t do something to formally separate myself from him.

It was a gut wretching decision that I did not want to make, but felt he gave me no choice.

I believe my situation is very common…a woman who reluctantly filed for divorce because she felt I had no other option. I still hate it.

I filed

5 Kat

My ex cheated on me more than once, telling me he wanted me the first time. I had enough when another woman about moved in and his abuse (mental and verbal) moved into a whole new level.

I found one of the best attorneys in town and began the paperwork without him knowing. I didn’t want a fight I wanted a quick out for my children’s sake. He wanted a fight. He was shocked that I filed.

I can tell those who are looking to fight are just plain stupid. He fought when we wanted to work together. He lost a lot. It cost a ton of money and took a lot of time. I have full custody because of his temper.

Hold that temper because you will lose and the children will be hurt.

He married her 6 months after our divorce.

6 Kat

Do these men think that we will blow it all off and not leave them?

7 Jason

So many kids get caught in the middle and end up hurting so badly. They don’t see their parents as the “monsters” the ex spouse portrays. We all make mistakes, the trick is to do what is right for the children not what we think is right.

8 Kat

Jason,
You’re right about the kids. It’s hard not to speak our minds and hurt the kids.

9 Danny Ray

Me an my wife have been married for 17 years been together since we were 16 years old . We have 5 children ages from 14 thru 4 years old. My wife had an affair with a maaried man in our church that we have had bible study in his home with an a personal freind of mine. She has kept the kids from me for several months now. We havent yet went to court but I am fighting for custody of my children , she still is involved with this man right now she takes our kids out to eat in front of him an they even go to church together and sit together as a couple . She says she is a good mother , but what kinda signals is she giveing off to our children ,she dont even think of what the kids are going through an her takeing him to church is just crazy. This kind of behavoir is why I am fighting for my children !

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