Should I Divorce Abusive Husband

by Jason Deines

in Questions & Answers

Submitted by Nicole

Should I divorce my husband who has been verbally/emotionally abusive for 10+ years? He always ‘repents’ and begs my forgiveness…claims it will never happen again, but it always does. I reached my breaking point when he began using threats of suicide as a manipulation tactic and then threatened to physically harm me. I have seperated from him but he’s doing everything in his power to convince me to come back. I am afraid, but I don’t want to destroy my own relationship with God through divorce.

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Jason

Biblically, I don’t think you really have an option for divorce. My relationship with my ex was similar, she threatened to kill herself often and in my opinion the ones that talk about it are the ones that won’t do it. I would just let her know that if that is what she wanted then go ahead. Eventually, she stopped using it as a way to get what she wanted.

I would recommend christian counseling and encourage your husband to get an accountability partner that will help keep him in check. I think there are a lot of options for you to save this marriage. Most churches have pastors that deal with these issues, relationships and don’t worry they have heard it all. Seek out help and see what happens… Just think how glorious it would be when God heals your marriage and the testimony you would have.

2 Salli

Nicole, it is not possible to destroy your relationship with God by divorcing your husband. If God hates divorce, it is the sorrow and selfishness that cause divorce that He despises, not the legal action. Some consider divorce a necessary safety net from a marriage frought with abusive treatment that destroys a person’s dignity. God allows and accepts divorce in our day and age because, as the world grows more wicked, people are becoming more polarized. That polarization can often affect a marrige relationship. Perhaps knowing that divorce is an option might be helpful as you move forward in trying to work things out with your husband. You are not trapped, but are free to act for yourself and to make determinations that are best for you and your family. Be serious about taking the Lord by the hand as you move forward in trying to make the correct decision. He will guide you.
Check out: for more divorce support.

3 Donna

Nicole, if he has threatened to PHYSICALLY HARM you, you NEED to get away from him. The statistics of husbands/wives where the husband threatens to harm, is alarming enough that you need to get away. The divorce can wait you need to be safe. Do NOT go back to him unless you see long term stabilization of his behaviour. Certain PASTORS will advise you to return, even if a husband has broken bones of their wives. God does NOT want you to go back to a husband who will (or is THREATENING) to murder you or beat you up. GOD IS LOVE. LOVE ALWAYS PROTECTS. If someone ELSE came to you and said, hey my husband says he’s gonna beat me up, should I stay with him? If your daughter came to you and told you that, what would you tell them?
I found these stats
23% of women who have ever been married or in a de facto relationship have
experienced physical violence from a male partner.1
• Of the women who have experienced domestic violence, 20% experienced it
for the first time while pregnant.1
• 58% of sexual assaults are committed by someone known to the victim.2
• Most assaults against women where the victim knows the offender go
• Intimate partner violence is responsible for more ill health and premature
death in Victorian women under the age of 45 than any other of the well
known risk factors including high blood pressure, obesity and smoking.4
• Ninety percent of children present in violent homes have witnessed the
violence perpetrated against their mother.
PLEASE STAY SAFE. Am praying for your marriage and your husband to be healed and repent.

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