I came across this web site tonight searching for answers, help and thinking there must be other people like me. Christians facing divorce or Christians who have already gone through divorce.
The more I read the more confused I get. Am I making the right decisions am I following the path that God has laid out for me.
So here’s my story any advice any prayer is greatly appreciated.
I am a 33 year old woman now a single mom. I have been married for almost 10 years.
I started this life by doing everything backwards I had a relationship as a teen that resulted in my now 13 year old daughter after that relationship failed I met and married my husband at 23. I had never heard the term being saved I thought being a christian was going to midnight mass on Christmas. My husbands mother is a born again Christian and for the first few years of my marriage I thought she was completely out of her mind. I wanted no part of her no part of her faith.
After those three years of constant battle I started to grow more and more curious could what she be saying have any truth or foundation to it? God began to pull on my heart my questions soon led to desire. I wanted to know this God I wanted to go to heaven. It seemed my husband couldn’t be happier he had been saved he said many many years ago.
I accepted Christ as my Lord and savior one night in the boiler room of our church. I knew at that moment my life was forever changed.
My husband and I continued on both having children from a previous relationship both trying to keep the marriage the kids the everything going. It seemed that our faith was always on the back burner sure we went to church when we felt like it but God never became the focus or the foundation of our lives. We hadn’t realized that surrender was what was needed.
Our relationship grew more and more volatile sometimes leading to physical altercations. I found out that he had several affairs. Things were NOT going well.
We decided at that point that we needed change we needed revival we needed counseling with our pastor. It took me what seemed like forever to “get over” the adultery my world was shaken, my faith my trust all but gone. I chose to stay I just figured that’s what married people do. It was right by God and I took my vows so very seriously.
After overcoming these major hurdles life settled down a bit and once again the old habits crept back in. We once again found ourselves in this mess without any way out. One day during a typical no point argument it once again turned into a physical fight.
That night was different in the fact that we both knew we were forever changed it just wasn’t working this way. We needed help I knew at that point we needed God. My husband left our home that night and I guess to him too much had been done for us to recover from.
I realize that all of the above may sound shocking especially from a self proclaimed Christian but it is the truth and there is just no escaping it.
When he walked away my life my heart my everything began to change. I knew that for the last 30 yrs I had tried so hard to be in control and all I managed to do was destroy everything in my path. I knew I couldn’t do it any longer that I had no real power. I surrendered my life to God I knew that without him in control I just wasn’t going to make it. I feel so strongly that God used that situation to finally once and for all bring me to my knees once you are that far down you have no choice but to look up.
I have to be honest I am so grateful it happened I have a new lease on life a new attitude and most importantly a real relationship with my Lord and savior.
All of this happened over three years ago and here comes the tricky part. My husband and I have been separated this whole time and although I have tried to reach out tried to get our Pastor to reach out there seems to be no hope. I can’t imagine it is in Gods will to have us be divorced. I have poured my heart out to God to bring restoration yet the situation continues to get worse. I have recently found out that my husband is having another adulterous relationship and is now sharing a home with this woman. I just feel so hopeless. I recently decided to finally file for divorce I have been faithful to him I have been faithful to God. I had previously refused to file for divorce based on the fact that I had no knowledge of adultery so therefore no grounds for divorce. I read somewhere tonight that as a woman even with my current information under Gods law I still have no rights for divorce. How can this be true? I do realize it is never in Gods plan to have people divorce but how can I manage to go on? My husband is so fully emersed in sin he is so very far from his faith. I know that God can change anybodies heart he certainly did mine. He can perform unimaginable miracles yet I still feel so hopeless. I am afraid of the devastation I may cause by filing. How many people will I hurt my mother in law who I love so dearly my church family my God? Will I ever recover from the shame or the loss? Do I even have right under Gods law to file? Am I damning any future relationship I may have? God tells us that what he has joined together let no man put usunder that surely must include me and my husband.
While I can’t say my faith is wavered I will admit I am angry. I feel like I have learned the lessons God has tried to teach me I have changed fully for him why would he allow this to continue. I am starting to feel so very alone and I’m just confused beyond return. Please pray for us!
God Bless You
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Divorce always takes its toll on people but I don’t believe that we should live with someone that continues to commit adultery without any remorse or desire to work things out. God does give provision for us to divorce in such cases, Mathew 5:22 and Mathew 19:9.
God created us and knows the destructiveness of sexual sin I don’t think if you choose to divorce because your husband is committing adultry that you are sinning.
No matter what you read on the internet, even this site, needs to be taken with a grain of salt. Much is simply opinion and you should test what you read with the word of God.
You are in our prayers!
You have biblical grounds for divorce; the Bible says “a man…” but the context was such that in those days, a man could say “I divorce you” 3 times, for any reason, and his wife was on her own. Then he may take her back, only to be divorced again for nothing. A woman could not initiate divorce. That’s why God decreed that he give her a certificate of divorce. Today, a woman can file for divorce just as a man can, so God’s decree applies to both.
The Bible is clear: God hates divorce. However, His decree is that adultery is grounds for divorce in His eyes. He would prefer repentance and reconciliation, but if your husband has rebuked both of these repeatedly, then you have grounds. I’m very sorry that your husband is being this way.
In the end, do what you truly believe God is telling you to do. Prayers for you…
I can completly understand what you are going through. My husband and I lost a child two years ago and a week after we buried her I caught my husband in an affair. I wasnt a christian at the time, but i quickly came to know the lord. Jesus saved our marriage. He brought us closer than i could have imagined. David and I planned another child 6 months ago, yet after 5 mo0nths of the pregnancy he told me he had been having numerous affairs since our marriage started and was leaving us for other women. Now Im alone, 6 m0nths pregnant with a 5 year old girl. Ive never been so angry with my faith. I know God will deliver me but I dont think I believe that. Why, why, why would he let this happen?