Holding on to False Hope

by Jason Deines

in Questions & Answers

Submitted by Tim

My wife of 17 years moved out 2 months ago and wants a divorce. She tells me she no longer loves, she made a mistake marrying me, and she can do better in a husband. We have 2 kids ages 11 & 9. I made mistakes, hid financial issues from her, and was in a depression for a couple of years and did not realize it. I have since come out of the depression and made several positive changes in my life, which my wife can not see or refuses to acknowledge. She completely ignores me like we never were together. She has also distanced herself from all of our friends and also our church. She has said that she is going to start seeing a Christian counselor but, as she puts its, “it doesn’t mean we are getting back together again.” Won’t a Christian counselor try to explore the possibility of reconciliation??

I made mistakes, especially over the last 6 to 9 months or our marriage, but I am working on fixing myself and have seen some success. I tell her I can not fix the past but I can fix the future if she lets me. Still she says she does not want to try and work anything out, she has moved on already and can’t stand the sight of me. Now God spoke to me just as she was leaving for me to fix myself first, and I have been doing that.

Am I holding out false hope of getting back together or should I move on?. If I anything I have done and said too much to her to try and get us to work it out. I plan on leaving her alone and hope that her counseling will see that it was not just me in the problems in our marriage and that maybe there is a chance that we can work. Or am I just to blind to see the obvious?


{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Jason

The way I see it is God has spoken to you to work on yourself so no matter whether you and your wife work things out you have your marching orders. This is about you, your relationship with God, and your children. Being a better Godly man that has taken the time to work on his issues will be greatly rewarded in the quality of your life, relationship with god, and the relationship with your children. Don’t do it expecting your wife to come back – granted she may and having hope is okay. You will know when it is time to let go but for now it is too soon.

If she embraces the help from the Christian counselor and the counselor is any good then I think chances are better but typically when someone has made up their mind to do something contrary to God’s will they look for those people that will reinforce their decision so they can rationalize it.

Keep your faith, pray for your wife, pray for your children, and continue to let God fix what needs fixed.

2 Donna

Hi Tim!
I am very sad to hear that. If you really love her and want her back, all I’m saying is what I would do if I were you. I would fast and pray and claim the verses of Bible over the marriage, speak life over it in faith. However I would possibly fast and pray about my own life also/first as Jason mentioned. It is all her choice. However the fact that you sound like you have taken actual steps to change and improve yourself is so awesome and God will truly honour that. & even if she didn’t come back, at least you know that you loved her intensely and spiritually & maturely.

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