Christian dating after divorce isn’t something that should be rushed into. There are several factors that can affect when a person is ready to date after divorce.
It was about a year after my divorce that I thought I was ready to date and to my surprise, I was so NOT prepared. Sitting there with a young lady over a cup of coffee I could feel that it was too early. I still had too many unresolved issues, and I did not want to get hurt again.
Signs of not being ready to date after divorce include:
- Thinking or talking about your ex.
- Feeling angry towards the opposite sex.
- Still feeling broken and hurt from your divorce.
- Being depressed often and feeling sorry for yourself.
- Low self-esteem.
- Comparing the people you date to your ex.
- Being overly critical and judgmental.
- Not knowing what you want and need in a partner.
- Having bitterness in your heart.
As time passed I found myself going out on several more dates; meeting new people only to come to the same conclusion – I was not ready! So now it has been over 3 years and I know I am ready, the door has been opened, and things felt right. I read somewhere that on average people of divorce remarry after 3 years, but again that is just a number.
It was very difficult for me to meet people at church, mall, gym, on the street, grocery store, or even classes that I signed up for. Dating takes work, and it was so much easier when I was younger. I tried several of the online dating sites to get connected with more people, and to my surprise it was successful.
I was able to apply what I had learned over the years and from previous experiences with women and build some good, healthy relationships. Not every person you meet is going to be the one, but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy their company and get to know them. Obviously, the goal is to find a person that you are equally yoked to and pursue a relationship built on trust, loyalty, and eventually love. This takes time, and not everyone is who they claim to be, so take the time to get to know people before getting serious.
Many of us disregarded red flags and God urging us to run when we married our previous partner. Let’s not allow that to happen again. No matter how great looking they may be, smart or how much money they have we must keep our wits about us, we must learn as much as we can before letting our feelings take over. If we allow our emotions to make our decisions, we are in big trouble, and that is what I am finding out. Feelings deceive, and sometimes you need to walk away and let them go.
I took a long time working on my issues, as God revealed them to me. Some I just had to accept, but I have a realistic view of who I am and how God views me. We should expect our relationships to be different and better because we have grown a great deal after our divorce. If there is doubt and if there is a nervousness that won’t go away it may be a warning, and it may mean breaking things off and letting go. If it were meant to be, they would come back and if not then you can be grateful that a colossal mistake was avoided.
I found that dating is a hard, but there is a lot you can get from it. God uses people to reveal things to us, and it is a great learning experience. Try not to fear dating, don’t lead people on, don’t look for someone to save, always be honest, feelings come later and seek God’s guidance.
2 Corinthians 6:14
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?