Dating a Separated Person

by Jason Deines

in Questions & Answers

Submitted by Alyssa

I am dating a separated man. He didn’t disclose in the beginning that he was still married and felt that it was okay since his wife had left, lived with another man and was pregnant with that man’s baby. The problem is I fell pretty hard for him before finding all this out. We’ve been together a year and a half and he’s still not divorced due to child/money issus — all of which I understand — and now I love him. Am I setting us up for divorce? Am I ruining his healing and dealing with his feelings because I’m there? I know he has so much to think about and he and I have our own issues that I feel guilty even bringing up knowing he’s still dealing with losing his family. But I don’t want to lose him and think we can get through it if we make it past his divorce. Am I making a huge mistake for my future? I want to marry him and see a happy life together but every thing I read says dating him is wrong. Any advice?


{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Jason

I would say that your feelings are quite valid. Technically, he is still married regardless of what his wife is doing. Child/money issues?? Are those going to go away anytime soon? Divorces these days can be done for $100 or less, without a lawyer. I would be concerned about him dealing with his issues as well. Your concerns are serious and I think you might be on to something. But since “love” seems to be involved what are the chances you will take a break? Then again, who knows, maybe you will live happily ever after. Do you think this is the man that God has for you? Did God bring you together? Isn’t that the relationship you truely want to have? Sometimes when you let something go and if it is meant to be, it will come back. In all honesty, I think you know better than anyone the answers to your questions. God bless you and reach out to Him for strength and guidance. Don’t let fear hold you back from doing the right thing, whatever that may be.

2 Tim

Alyssa,
You already know the answer, but your “feelings” are getting in the way of the truth (keep in mind that feelings lie). The simple honest answer is “Married People Do Not Date”.
There is no difference between what you and “the husband” are doing and what “his wife” is doing. There is a word used to describe “Dating a Separated (otherwise known as married) Person”, it’s called adultery; that you are asking the question proves that you know that, and no amount of rationalizing will change the truth. Ask yourself is this type of relationship the type you would want your children to commit? There you find God’s answer to His children.

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