Smile!

Read this and Smile

by Jason Deines

in Featured, Tips for Coping with Divorce

Okay, normally I am not into those emails that are forwarded on and on and on but this one is worth looking over. Why? Because we all need a laugh or at least crack a smile every now and again and one of the next thirty statements should do the job.

Truths for Mature Humans

  1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
  2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
  3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
  4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
  5. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
  6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
  7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
  8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
  9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
  10. Bad decisions make good stories.
  11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
  12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again.
  13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
  14. “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this – ever.
  15. There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to get thrashed after leaning your chair back a little too far.
  16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
  17. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
  18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
  19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
  20. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.
  21. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
  22. I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
  23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
  24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
  25. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?
  26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
  27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
  28. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
  29. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate bicyclists.
  30. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet anything that everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Yolanda

I was feeling very icky. One of those down days in my roller coaster. This really made my laugh and then i found my spirits lifted. As I finished reading a text came in. I just couldnt help but pass on the sillyness by sending a funny myself.

2 Jason

Good for you! It is amazing how simple things can turn our mood and day around.

3 Joan

Thanks for this post, Jason. My divorce was finalized today and I am feeling pretty down. I’ve read a number of your postings in the past 30 minutes, and this one made me quit crying. I actually laughed out loud once; humor can really make a mood change for the better. Thanks for your website.

4 Jason

Thanks Joan… I had to read these again and they made me cry… from laughing. :-) Take care!!

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