How to Pray for Ex and Continue to Heal

by Jason Deines

in Questions & Answers

Submitted by Jen

My divorce was final about a month ago. I had struggled with taking that step, but finally did after over a year of prayer and counseling. Now that it is final I am torn as to how to pray for my ex-husband. I still love him and want him to turn to Jesus and find peace, yet I feel that praying for him in depth as I have been leaves me attached to him and doesn’t allow me to heal. I feel so guilty and selfish for even having these thoughts. I was wondering what your opinion on this would be.


{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Jason

Jen, I used to pray a lot for my ex and it does get overwhelming sometimes but I think you mentioned the perfect prayer in your question… “Lord may (insert name here) turn to you.” I often ask God to touch my ex’s heart (that’s it). So go with your feelings and pray a simple prayer for him and turn your efforts on yourself while God molds you into the woman He sees you to be.

2 Anne

Here in Minnesota there is a ministry called Marriage Rebuilders, and it’s all about securing our relationship with GOD first, then our spouses. My hubby filed for divorce in May, and yesterday he told me it was final. Wow, I was really trying to reconcile, and we are getting along so great! He has even complimented me on my positive changes, but he still wants out! Check out this ministry and maybe start one in your own area: http://normandalebaptist.net/rebuilders.html

3 Inga

Be careful of reconciliation ministries, though, because not all are as Scriptural as they claim to be. Rejoice Marriage ministries says to stand for your first marriage even if spouse already remarried. Perhaps this is allowable in the New Testament but since there was a law against it in the Old Testament, I wouldn’t take it as a law in the New Testament. I prayed hard and didn’t feel that this was how God was leading me. Also they encouraged “Sex with your ex” which I believe is wrong. A marriage contract and a divorce contract are not mere “pieces of paper”. These are the words often used to justify fornication. I think God wanted me to learn how to see the world filtered through His love more directly instead of through my husband’s.

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