Eliminate Common Irritants

Save Your Marriage by Eliminating Common Irritants

by Jason Deines

in Featured, Rants and Raves

With the divorce rate what it is, 50 percent or more, whether you call yourself Christian or not it is obvious that our society is changing. Just because half of all marriages fail doesn’t meant the other half is “happily” married. I am sure that there is a huge percentage out there that people stick it out for one reason or another even though their marriage is in trouble. Well that is what this post is for. We need to find a way to either save or improve our relationship with out spouse (if it isn’t already too late).

10 Irritants that Need to be Eliminated in a Marriage

  1. Stop Criticizing Your Spouse – There is simply no need to criticize your spouse in public or private for that matter.
  2. Don’t Make Your Spouse Feel Inferior – Carefully avoid actions or situations that might make your spouse feel inferior or leads to failure. If your spouse doesn’t like to play softball then don’t insist on it. Don’t throw your mate into awkward situations where they are going to feel uncomfortable. Obviously this may happen from time to time by accident but you should know your mate well enough to understand if what you are asking them to do will make them feel inferior. Lastly, don’t demonstrate your own superiority over him/her.
  3. Eliminate Annoying Topics – If your spouse doesn’t like discussing politics then don’t bother them with it. Don’t needlessly bring up occasions when your spouse made a fool of himself (notice I said himself).
  4. Replace Things in the Home that Need It – I know this is an odd one but if the work around the home is causing undue pain, labor, and irritation because something is not working right it needs to be taken care of. Fix that leaky facet, replace your broken dishwasher, throw out the torn rug, etc. Stop putting these things off because they do get in the way of relationships.
  5. Be on Time – If you have an appointment to meet up with your spouse then be on time, however (here is the kicker) do not demand that your mate do likewise.
  6. Don’t Read at the Dinner Table – Actually reading at the dinner table is okay IF you both agree to it and both have something to read.
  7. Minimize Contact with Relatives – Bring your spouse into contact with your relatives so infrequently and under such favorable conditions that their liking for each other will flourish rather than perish.
  8. Don’t Flirt – We have seen it before when a spouse flirts with someone else in order to try and keep their partner interested. You are just looking for big trouble.
  9. Don’t Put Off Sex in a Negative Manner – Never deny your spouse’s sexual advances in a way which will seem unloving, contemptuous, or irritated. If you cannot respond fully at the moment, ensure that you express unmistakably your respect, your affection, and your comradeship, and make it clear that the necessary sexual denial is not rejection but a postponement.
  10. Don’t Violate Your Spouses Ideals – Watch to see whether you are needlessly violating your spouse’s ideals of courtesy, decency, good sportsmanship, generosity, or honor. If you are then stop it!

Now is the time for a reality check. Are you doing any of these things? Honesty can save your marriage, denial will likely end it.


{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

1 ingrid

Do you as a Christian, encourage yourself and those that divorce to stand for your covenant marriage?
This is a good site and lots of information but I don’t see anything to encourage those that are going through or are divorced to stand for their marriages.
Have you addressed that issue?
And also, where in your top ten list does it talk about GOD? Praying together? Going to church together? Putting God first in their lives rather than themselves?
Just something for you to think about.
You are missing some really important crucial steps that as a Christian you should have on the site.
I understand and read that you are not a pastor or anything but as I said you offer some really good information and when you undertake something like this that is so important to God’s ministry you forget that there are other angles that also need to be addressed otherwise you mislead those that are looking for help because they come into your site and they might think that this is as good as it gets and that is not the case, you as a Christian know that. If you did not, then maybe you are not ready to put this in the public yet because you are not mature in your faith in Christ nor in your walk with Him. I too have wanted to take this undertaking but I know that I am not mature enough in my faith or walk with Him so I wait for His perfect timing not for me to do something that I want or I feel is right for me. I wait for Him.

With respect.

2 Jason

Thanks for the feedback… I see this post to be a positive thing, not misleading, and it does point people in the right direction (in my opinion). It should not be invalidated simply because putting God first and praying are not in the list. Plus we all know we should not believe anything that is on the Internet. We are to use our brains, to test, and to come up with our own decisions and make sure that they are in line with God’s word and I think every single point above reflects Christ-like behavior.

As for standing up for “your marriage covenant” I think myself and nearly every person that has visited this site has stood up for their marriage. It is the other spouse that has sinned or walked away, breaking the covenant. Now I am picking up the pieces of my life the best I can and moving on.

3 claire

Jason,
I have just read, re-read.. both your ‘Save your marriage’ article and the comment.. above. I am flustered. Just wanting to say that the points youve made are .. in my mind given with the Christian footing as an obvious place from which we are deeply set, I assumed that anyway. That your suggestions are/were for the .. day to day.. practical steps, not the spritual.
So, only to say, I liked your message, I am saving it, for ..if and when.. I ever find myself in a relationship again. So, thank you. And I am sorry she didnt see what it was you were gearing toward.
God Bless and Thank you again and again for all you do for us out here … :)

4 Father_of_2

Jason,
I too agree with the list. Many of the things in the list I did to my ex and now I am learning from them and will never do them again. I had no idea how much irreprible damage that flirting with another to keep your spouse interested could, and did, do. Also, in response to the first post, the title of the whole web site is “CHRISTIAN divorce recovery”. To me, and I may be wrong, this would seem to imply that what is posted and read on this site would be in addition to putting God first in your life and decisions. I only say that because there are MANY other secular divorce recovery sites out there. Only a select few will project their Christian basis. Thanks for everything!!

5 Jason

Father_of_2, thanks for your feedback. I can be the first to admit that I am far from perfect and I make a lot of mistakes. But I think all of us have done so especially if we are here. I just try to share that there is hope after divorce and that God does love us. Everything in this world is not bad, actually I would venture to say that most is good. God has inspired a lot and no matter how you say to treat people right whether with a bible verse or simply a phrase from our own vocabulary it is good.

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