Should I Find a New Church Family After Divorce

by Jason Deines

in Questions & Answers

Submitted by Jay

My wife announced last Friday that she wants a divorce. We are married with two twin boys and I want so much to raise them in the lord. Funny thing is she was Christian and I became a Christian during our marriage. I progressed so much as a Christian person but admittedly done damage to our relationship being unequally yoked for the first 3 years of our marriage and continued to make mistakes after but kept working at getting better. 7 years later we are divorcing and I feel that she forgot all her Christian values. It hurts me because I fault myself for that. We attend as a family a church which we both love. But now the cat is out of the bag and everyone knows we are getting divorced. I am afraid to attend this church again, mostly because I feel ashamed and I also do not want to lead others into thinking divorce is the answer just because I seem to be coping okay with this. Am I correct in this line of thinking and should I stop attending this local church family and move on to a different church if not for my sake, for the sake of others? Thank you.

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Jason

Hi Jay, I would say if you really like that church that you continue going. All that stuff you are thinking is meaningless. I have yet to attend a church where people are perfect, of course some think they are but still what they think is not important. What is important is that you stay connected to Jesus and your friends through this. Don’t be ashamed and don’t feel that you are a stumbling block to anyone. Everyone makes their own decisions and maybe some day you will be able to help some couples that are going through a rough time based on what you have learned. Our lives are a ministry in themselves and we are always touching others. Lastly, if you feel that people are turning their noses up to you and treating you poorly you might consider going to a church where people are more forgiving and understand what it is to be human and the grace of God.

2 Kat

Hi Jay,
I wanted to leave my church after my marriage was ripped apart. The shepherds had spoken with us about the affair that my husband was having with another shepherd’s wife. Yes you read it right. They were having a public affair in my church.
I felt like hiding in my home only she was here a lot. My kids were so confused. They had this “Friendship” in my face. I was afraid, hurt, and angry with everyone. I would sit in the area that I worked in church and cry every Sunday. Thank God for the man that I work with because he would work around me saying very little. Turn that up, push that down etc . . . . He also called me once a week for a while and simply asked if I was going to be there on Sunday. I thought “Why does he even want me there?” I was also approached by one of the other guys and told that he had been praying for me. Wow he was praying for me! He had been life threatening ill and could barley raise his arm and there he was pointing at me telling me how he was praying for me. He also made a painful trek up the stairs to check on my and the children. When my ex married that woman that he said he wasn’t having an affair with 6 months after our divorce was finalized my church family was great to make me laugh about it. He married her the day before her ex married again. I was asked if I was going to marry the day before them and show them all up. ;-}
I’ve recently lost my sister, a much loved member of my church, and they have supported my family through her illness. I can’t think of leaving anytime soon and thank God for those wonderful people.
If these people are your family in Christ and your children love it there stay.

I wish you peace

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