If you are having difficulties in your marriage, you may find it helpful to read the following post. At the same time try to relate the following ideas to your life and situation. If you begin to contemplate what you are facing, in the light of these steps, you may find new ideas to save your marriage or improve its quality immensely.
9 Steps to Improving Your Marriage
- Abandon ALL Feelings of Resentment – Emotional hostility toward one’s mate acts as an effective barrier against finding the creative solution as well as putting it into effect. What you hate you cannot understand because you are ready to believe all evil of it. Therefore, surrender all jealousies, and feelings of contempt. Emotions of hate distort one’s vision and lead one toward actions and words that are hurtful and unwise. When one person feels resentment against another, the other is likely to feel resentment in return, in turn intensifying the first resentment, which results in hatred. Someone has to break the cycle. Don’t wait for your spouse to make the first move. Forgive and forget! Let good-will take the place of hostility in your consciousness, even though your spouse continues to carry the grudge for a bit.
- Eliminate Needless Irritants – It is time to open up your eyes and make a list of the things that are hurting and distressing your spouse and put a stop to it. Click here to view a list of the most frequent annoyers in married life.
- Find New Ways to Do Joyful Things Together – Point number 2 focused on cutting out the negative so now it is time to work on the positive. Start by making a list of the things that your spouse finds pleasing and make it a habit of springing small but delightful surprises.
- Learn to Understand Your Spouse – Set out to understand your spouse as if your life depended on it. Your marriage just might, and so does your happiness. Spend time alone quietly and affectionately thinking about them. What has been their great emotional experiences in life? What drives them? What are their deepest aspirations and longings? What are their unrealized possibilities? What are the things that have interfered and kept them from achieving what they dreamed of doing?
- Discuss Family Problems – You need to be open and honest with your spouse. Discuss your vital family problems with them but don’t argue endlessly. If there is tension in your marriage, then bring it into the open. Don’t try to change your spouse’s point of view to your own; instead, try to understand where they are coming from. After you have cleared the air, shared your ideas and your problems, don’t rehash them over and over again. Marriage is a partnership, not a debate club.
- Discover Areas of Agreement – Have you been taking the time to discover (rediscover) the areas that you agree upon? Compromise and find things that you enjoy doing together. This requires communication and understanding of one another. Remember, no matter how perplexing a disagreement may be, there is a best possible solution for all if you seek it in the spirit of love.
- Surrender the Nonessentials – Many marriages have failed because one or the other or both clung, as a matter of principle, to a point which could easily have been given up and forgotten if both had focused on the great underlying essentials. You know the saying, “Pick your battles wisely.”? Well do just that, don’t squabble over things that aren’t that important.
- Live and Let Live – To be oneself is one of the most precious rights of a human being. Cultivate freedom for you and your family by agreeing to live and let live. Freedom is not defiance of law but a voluntary fulfillment of the law. The better you understand your spouse and the laws of life, the more likely you are to find that freedom that brings joy to your marriage. By one of those strange paradoxes, we never fully win the love of our dear ones until we cease demanding it.
- Put the Welfare of Your Family First – Stop being so caught up in yourself! Even though this is the last step, it is the first in the search for fulfillment of personality in family life. What is it your want from your spouse and children? Are you after comfort, security, affection for yourself? Or do you want, above all things, that these loved ones of yours find the road to abundant life, to love, peace, joy, and their true places in this world? Honestly answer this question and seek the happiness of your family; your efforts won’t go without great reward.