Are You Sure You Are Ready to Date After Divorce

Are You Sure You Are Ready to Date After Divorce

by Jason Deines

in Dating after Divorce, Featured

I would imagine that most of us never thought we would ever have to date again; yet here we are. We expected a lot from marriage but for one reason or another it sank to a barren drabness eventually to die out altogether. If we become cynical because of our matrimonial failures we won’t be as determined to find the secret to a successful marriage. We have all come up short to some extent and our eyes have been opened to the reality of marriage. No more living with blinders on or looking through rose-colored glasses. We have developed a new drive from within to ask for help, for insight, and to become fact-seeking. Because of what we have been through we are a wealth of knowledge and we need to use that knowledge when we start dating again.

We expect to fall in love and this time around we want to escape immature, untrustworthy emotions. To make a choice and pick a mate whose character compliments our own. For this to happen we need to learn about ourselves, what needs fixed and what doesn’t. We need to seek what God has for us and allow Him to reveal our weaknesses.

“Love is blind,” says the adage. But what we really should be saying is, “Love should be open-eyed and wise.”

A successful marriage depends upon two factors–emotions and brains; no marriage succeeds unless these are combined. “Falling in love” is essential, but one can fall out of love as well (we have all heard this before). Falling in love is the business of the emotions; staying there, holding your lover’s affection, requires brains.

A lifetime of happy intimacy between two individuals as different as a man and a women can be attained if the mind is used.

Psychology teaches us that all emotions deserve study; if they are wisely utilized, happiness results; if they are thoughtlessly spent, we may pay the price in unsatisfied lives and broken hopes; a road none of us wish to ever travel again.

As we look back on our marriage and remember the emotional demands and use that knowledge we should be able to better ourselves while finding a life-long mate.

Considering a new relationship after divorce does take a lot of thought. We need to make sure we are ready and dealt with the baggage in our lives. We also need to be emotionally healthy enough to see through other people and the baggage they are carrying. Often times we end up in the same dysfunctional relationship we had previously and that is not acceptable. The divorce rate for second marriages is even higher than that of first; this is because people don’t deal with their issues. If you are thinking it is time to date then make sure you have taken care of business before embarking on that journey.


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