How to Deal with Exs Revolving Door

by Jason Deines

in Questions & Answers

Submitted by Mike

After 18yrs of marriage and 4 wonderful kiddos……We, (she) wanted a divorce. I have accepted the fact that we are divorced. It has been a very rough year. I vowed that since I can longer be a husband, I can become a much better father. I am having a hard time in dealing with her and her boyfriends. Each one seems to be “THE ONE”. She always wants to have the kids wrapped up in her relationships. How do you get over the jealousy of your kids spending time with another man. We were always very active…camping, shooting, hiking, biking etc and she always never wanted to be apart of that….Now every guy she meets seems to do all that and now she is all for it and uses that as a way to draw the kids in.


{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Jason

Mike, this is most certainly one of the toughest things a father (person) has to go through. My ex was the same way and it seemed that every few months she had a new boyfriend. I seemed to always find out about it from our daughter and it made it hard. I hated feeling like I was going to be replaced. I dealt with those feelings by remembering that Fathers that are part of our children’s lives will never be replaced.

Unfortunately, we can’t pick and choose or even control what our ex does when it comes to anything and that includes dating. It is sad if they don’t protect the children’s heart from the new romances because they do get attached to some degree. I know my daughter has not seen me with a woman for nearly 4 years because I didn’t want to confuse her and I had not met anyone that I was really serious about. One of the reasons I went, and got, primary physical custody of my daughter was because of this… My ex didn’t just get new boyfriends she moved in with them quickly. I felt that was not providing a stable home environment and I needed to protect our daughter. Several other things went into play but I did feel strongly about this.

One thing that helped me get through it was that none of the men ever hurt my daughter, for that I have to be grateful. We just need to accept that other men will come into our kid’s lives and there is nothing we can do about this. Just listen to what your kids have to say, be there for them, and be that better father that you wish. Try to push that jealousy out of your heart because it will only get in the way of what you desire.

2 Kat

I have no idea why they do that. My ex married her as soon as possible. Before the divorce he seemed to be so intrested in the stuff I wanted to do only with her.

I’m praying for you. keep being the stable one the kids need it.

3 Mike

Thank you for the replies. Yes, it is very hard. Thank God that I have learned so much about myself and my children
through all of this. God will see us through and all the bad will turn to good. I have to keep trying to remember that God wants us holy not always happy…Every day will get easier and less painful. God Bless us all

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