Starting New Relationships

by Jason Deines

in Questions & Answers

Submitted by Russ

I have a question. I know that you have said not to start another relationship right after divorce but my wife and i have grown so apart for years before the divorce that we decided to stay together for the kids sake. We never acted married or communicated much. My daughter noticed it years ago. I had been alone in this marriage. longin for the companionship and love that i wanted and needed. Then she used a job transfer as an excuse and divorced me. I didnt really care as we were not close and had grown far apart. She had online boyfriends and never talked to me and i suffered in silence. I transfered for job reasons and was seperated from the kids and her for a year before we were divorced. Now that I am single again I have reconnected with an exgirlfriend from highschool. She was one of those girls I fell in love with and never forgave myself for not persuing our relationship further. We just kind of went our seperate ways back then and neither of us remembers why. Now that we have reconnected, those feelings have come back end we fell quickly for eachother. After severeal weeks of talking and occassionaly going out. She has gotten scared of being a rebound relationship and does not want to see me. I have reassured her that is not the case but she is sticking to her guns, so to speak. Now I know that she gives me the love that I have missed and compromised on to marry the ex but is this relationship wrong? should I just walk away or give her time? I know how I fell about her and she was liking where the relationship was going untill she got scared. We both feel like it could end up getting very serious. Do I give her time or am I just looking for another relationship? I dont think I am since I have not felt like I was married or loved for years. I also dont want to ruin a chance with her. I have prayed about it but I dont know what God is telling me. When Im with this woman I feel closer to God as she has a great relationship with him. I can feel it when Im with her and it rubbs off on me. I feel the presence of God and I feel at peace. Its hard to explain, im happy, content. Part of it is the love she showes me and part of it is I dont have satan lurking over my shoulder. God is there instead, I feel him there? what do i do.

Very confused


{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

1 Jason

I guess the what comes to my mind is what are you going to do to keep this relationship from becoming like your previous one? I am sure you must of loved your ex-wife at some point. Have you taken the time to figure out what you could have done differently to reach out to your ex and try to restore the marriage? I would be more concerned about what you learned than whether it is time to start a new relationship. If everything feels right and it is a healthy relationship then give the woman you wish to be with time and show her that she is not a rebound and the same thing won’t happen to her.

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