Im not the best at writing but here goes..i do agree with you that it is wonderful to share our stories with each other. It is after all, our testimony that bears witness to how He works in our lives and His glory becomes evident.
My few months have actually been 12 months to date and im not quite sure how i made it through. Its like when your in something murky and it just goes on and on and you lose track of time and everything.You try and pray and it feels like nothings coming out or anything then all of a sudden theres a break in the sky and you begin to breathe again. The break is on the latter part of the 12 month.
Its like that for me now… i honestly feel like i literally can breathe again and even feel the breeze and the sun again… Life is returning i believe. I think i was perhaps a couple of months into my seperation when i ventured on the internet to see whether i could find anything about it all. I would read your emails hoping that God would speak to me through them… He did on
several occasions and others He didnt or i think i was just unable to hear or perceive.
Prior to Christmas, I had come to the place that i didnt want to think about divorce and i didnt want to think about reconcilitian either, and that that was okay and alright to where i was at, at that time. Giving permission to myself i think. I like lists and order etc so it was quite a thing to come to that resolve and take no pressure from anyone else. My ex-husband i felt had been putting pressure on me to go either way.
I think, God never leaves us and He will work inch by inch in our hearts to restore us back to Him.
I became aware since Christmas that He ever so gently began turning my heart toward life and return ( which for me, is divorce) . I could not even say the word. It still brings sadness but that is lessening and there is more life and hope in it now. I have sung most of my Christian life, which is maybe 16, 17 years. The song died in me…. but now i feel movement on the inside.
It has been His truth that has kept me. ( I do have wonderful friends, a few confidants and family around me also) I kept thinking about that scripture of how the truth sets you free.
Its knowing the truth of how much He loves me. Knowing that even in the worst of my situation that He knows and even that it is not a surprise to Him…this divorce , my divorce is not a surprise to Him…wow .. not that He wants us to be in pain but that it’s no surprise and that even through it, He can still restore and make beautiful my life… now thats amazing.
Ive been a Christian long enough to recognize His handprints in my heart and thoughts… perhaps not very perceptive when its happening but definetly see the differences and feel the life.Almost like you just walk in the room and you know He has just left through the other door and you can almost still feel His presence, His scent, His movement.
I believe He reaches out to us in the everyday parts of life… He has spoken to me throught lyrics in secular songs, in one off meetings with strangers that share something with me for an instance and yet i know that He has just spoken to my heart throught their words. Ive tried reading lots of books that i couldnt even get pass the first chapter then all of a sudden i go to the library, pick up one book and read and the pages come to life. Its as if it was written directly to me.
Similar conversations with different people… Church going, not church going… and they say the same thing… God truly is a God of all… and so above whatever we think we can do or know.
I still have some serious steps to take in my life at the moment but i know He is directing me at this very moment. Almost like a ship, or maybe a boat, when the rudder (the thing that steers) is being slightly turned and if your sitting up the front, you just start veering more than turning a corner or anything. Just veering and adjusting.That brings excitment. And thats very cool.
Its a New Year and i Know it could be a cliche’ but i am ready for new things… im ready to have my life back and reach out and learn new things… im ready to sing again… to be involved again.
So many words of encouragement i could share…
like when you struggle and get lost in the failure of it all and wonder if you’ll get past it… that Yes, He indeed has amazing plans for you and me.. that Yes, He knows us and maps out our lives.. that Yes,He has works that were specifically designed for you and me…that Yes He is not surprised about what has happened and encompassing everything that has happened, He will make our lives beautiful and a delight not only to Him but also to others…
wow i cant even comprehend How amazing He is.. and what the future holds..
But today I marvel at the break in the sky… and the breeze… breathe in deep and pull up my socks and walk on.. Thank you Jason for your obedience and your willingness to share. There is far more people out there going through this stuff that ought to be but life isnt easy… its life .
Well im not sure whether this sharing is what you had in mind but again thank you for your encuragement and being part of the journey for me… Heaps and heaps of blessing to you..
All the best..