Does Spouse Detach Themselves or What

by Jason Deines

in Questions & Answers

Submitted by Jay

I have a question. I’ve been reading a lot of the prayer requests on this website, and a majority of them have one of the spouses finding another relationship within a short period of time. This is also the case with me. Barely 3 months after seperation, my wife starts liking one of my friends (ex friend now). How is this possible? Is it because they start detaching themselves before they seperate, or file for divorce? Its mind boggling. And not only that, they will still say that God is supporting their decision, even if there is no inifidelity or abuse in the marriage. I don’t get it. Last thing I want after an end in a marriage is another relationship. Is having nothing in common worth leaving a marriage? I mean, I will always be willing to work on my marriage, to help restore it. But my wife says we have nothing in common, and to a degree, she is right. But is that sufficient? To be honest, I’m not mad at her, and i’m not mad at my friend (ex). I saw it coming when she seperated from me. What I didn’t like was all the lies denying anything from both of them. Its all good, God helps me deal with this all. I honestly can’t imagine doing this on my own. Praise Jesus for His sacrifice. What are all your thoughts on this subject?


{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Jason

Jay, I think you are right… without the other person knowing it I think that some people begin detaching themselves and looking to fulfill their needs elsewhere. Many times they start down a road that leads to betrayal and to live with themselves they convince themselves that God is with them. They rationalize and justify it until they believe it. This is one reason I think it is so hard to get through to them. They have brainwashed themselves to believe a lie and can’t see the truth.

It took me over 3 years to actually get into a new relationship, more like dating, but I certainly wasn’t looking while I was married or shortly after. Just because you don’t have things in common, which I think is a stretch… you must of had something in common when you fell in love and got married. You are still capable of doing things the other person enjoys but I think the point here is that she is making excuses, rationalizing, justifying, and letting her “feelings” control her.

2 Kat

You’re so right Jason. My ex was introduced to a now ex friend they hit it off and began their “friendship” they married the moment they could. They both deny having an affair but the truth shows. He has repeatedly told me how awful it was with me. Something he didn’t do before they got so wrapped up in each other in fact he begged me to stay when he had his first affair. Yup I was stupid for several years, I guess.

I had no intention of jumping into the arms of the wrong man. I want a man who will be a helpmate and spiritual leader in my home. I have children to think of. They were hurt by all of this and to hurt them more wouldn’t be fair.

Having God in my life is wonderful

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