The Sting of Rejection

The Sting of Rejection

by Jason Deines

in Dating after Divorce, Featured

When we are rejected it makes us feel unwanted and it can really put a dent in our self-esteem. If we are rejected from a person that we love it can be devastating and lead to depression, anger and guilt.

When my marriage ended I felt like there was something wrong with me, that I was a failure, that I was to blame for everything, and that my wife did not like me – I really felt worthless. I even realized after my first “real” relationship after my divorce that when I was rejected these exact same feelings came out and I was unsure how to handle them. Over the years I have taken a hard look at myself and healed from the rejection by fixing certain aspects of my character, self-esteem and life that held me back from being a better man. I could not believe I felt this way years later knowing that I actually did a pretty good job on this relationship and it was obviously issues that she still had to deal with. I never thought that the first woman I met after my divorce would be the one so I have always kept an open mind.

It is interesting how feelings have a way of creeping back up and getting us down more than they should. Supposedly we have a choice in how we feel and I agree but sometimes it can be difficult to change our thoughts. It is like when I quit smoking, powerful cravings would come and go, now these powerful feelings pop up and distract me from the big picture.

We all want to be successful, desired, loved, and feel important in our relationships but we have to be careful not to expect to much to fast because it takes time to learn about the other person and they may still be in the routine of doing to you what their ex did to them. Of course much of this is subconscious but it does happen. Not everyone has worked through their issues and that should be a priority before dating after divorce.

We must remember that God is in control of our lives and when a door closes we need to open another. We are going to be blessed with the person God has for us and we should not settle at any cost. I think if we take a look at what reasons were given for why it ended we can determine the validity and either head back to the shop for some work or chalk it up to the other person’s issues. I am not saying to blame them but often people look for fault to rationalize their decisions; make sure there is validity before letting it get to you.


{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Terri

Well said!

2 Jason

Thinking of you a lot :-)

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