Do I File or Continue to Wait

by Jason Deines

in Questions & Answers

Submitted by Stephanie

Hi,
I need some guidance on divorce. My husband was a children’s pastor for almost 10 years. He had an affair with a volunteer and in Decemer 2009, left me and began a live-in relationship with the other woman. I have done my best to show him God’s love in everything. I do not want to be the one to file for divorce, but almost a year and a half later, I feel very trapped and not sure what to do. He is still with the other woman and continues to tell me he doesn’t have the money to file. I need some guidance on whether to file or to simply wait….Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.


{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Jason

I can really never tell anyone what they should do when it comes to divorce but the question I would ask is do you ever want to be with this man again after he has left you for over a year and been in a relationship with another woman? Would you take him back? I mean there is nothing wrong with doing so as long as there has been a real conversion in his life. But right now your life is on hold waiting for him to file when in reality it doesn’t cost that much at all. My wife filled out the paperwork herself and filed and it was probably all under $100. Divorce is easy these days as long as you don’t have a bunch of stuff to divide up or child custody issues. Call your local court house and see if they have a family court services that can help you. They tend to not give legal advice but they can guide you through the process. If you feel God is telling you to wait then wait. If not then closure would be nice so you can get on with your life. It is hard to date when you have to tell the guy you are still legally married; kind of a deal killer.

2 Elizabeth

Only God can give You the perfect answer to your situation. I’ve struggled as well when my ex moved in with his mistress, after much prayer the Lord impressed upon me that if he is repentful I should be opened to reconciliation and not to consider divorce. After much prayer I felt the strong by the Lord to file for divorce and thereafter out of His grace, i received a confirmation from a sister in Christ telling me God wants to set me^^ free from the oppressive relationship so I can walk in healing and wholeness as an individual. I believe if the relationship is oppressing you perhaps divorce would be a good option and if one day your husband receive conviction from God both of you could always marry again. But if the Lord convict You to hang on then ask for His strength for you to see you through each day. I have a friend even though her husband continue in his adulterous relationship choose to stay on for the sake of the children but have learnt to direct her focus from her husband to God and able to function on a ‘status cold’ relationship. Whichever way you choose, I pray God’s peace will lead you to do what’s best for you without having to feel you need to decide base on the expectations of others and that you’ll look to God and trust Him to be your sole Provider.

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