Should I Marry Someone that Still Needs to Heal

by Jason Deines

in Questions & Answers

Submitted by Denise

I recently got engaged to a man that i have been dating for over 2yrs. We both have been divorced for several years. It has been a rocky relationship because he feel that he failed his first marriage. He has become closer to God because of the divorce. His exwife had a affair, left him and wanted the divorce. My exhusband had an affair and i requested the divorce. I thought he had worked thru this emotion when he asked me to marry him, but recently found out that it still hurts him. We did go to church with all of our children, but since he has asked me to marry him, he says its too hard to hear the minister talk about “marriage”and feels like a failure all over again. I have been looking in the bible for help. We have not set a date, but I dont know if i can be married to a man who cannot go back to church with me or that is still troubled over his 1st marriage.


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1 Jason

Denise, I would go with what your head is telling you. Obviously if he is not over his first wife then he is not in a position to get married. If so it will be very difficult for both of you. Sounds like he is starting to fear commitment and fear getting hurt again. That is why I recommend working through the pain of divorce and that includes working on ourselves. We can’t just get into a new relationship and expect everything to be great all the time. Eventually the past will come back and haunt us. I know my church doesn’t talk about marriage everyday… so I am not sure why he would want to back out of going or pull away from God. I don’t think there is much you can do to help or change him. He needs to work through the issues with a professional counselor or someone at church. He should not feel like a failure and there may be more things going on. Nevertheless, I would be concerned, I would use caution, and you should seek some counseling from your church family as well… The hard part is you might be told to cut him lose; maybe he will come back maybe not but you must always remember that the man God has for you will be better than anyone you could choose for yourself. Also, if you are living in sin then that complicates matters too…

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