How Do You Stop the Bad Memmories

by Jason Deines

in Questions & Answers

Submitted by Elizabeth

How do you stop the bad memories from controlling your mind, feeding your resentment, anger and bitterness when you so earnestly want to forgive? I have an unquenchable desire for vengeance on the adulterous pair, how do you get over it? Can’t seem to heal regardless of how I’ve tried to seek help from others and from God. What else is there for me to do? Thanks.


{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Jason

Here you go Elizabeth, remember God will provide the vengeance! And remember that you are a sinner too; I had to remind myself that there were at least half a dozen reasons for God to strike me down :). I hated my ex for what she did and in fact I really don’t like her that much now but I don’t think about her, I don’t let her control my life and I am happy. Turn your eyes to YOU and take today to start improving you. 1) smile today! 2) find something beautiful to thank God for 3) if you think of your ex don’t continue to run it through your head, choose to think of something else. I did this by getting up and walking around, taking a deep breath, fresh air, talking about something to a friend. Give the thoughts over to God and walk away. Remind yourself that you are a loving, wonderful woman that God has big plans for and anger and bitterness is only going to stand in the way. Elizabeth… what is one of your favorite things in the world? Can you get a picture, a quote, anything that you can keep handy for when you are having a “weak” moment? Set your focus on it when the thoughts arise. With practice you can learn to choose how what you think. My last suggestion is to take up jogging get those happy endorphins flowing through your brain.

2 dj

I had the same problem. It helped me to know that God would ultimately deal with it. We all reap what we sow…but I have learnt that it can take a while. And by the time the ‘adulterous pair’ are reaping the harvest they have planted for themselves, which will not be good, you will be over it and not even care either way.
It takes time and practice…but you can train yourself to ‘take every thought captive’. Look to your future. I was determined that I had wasted enough of my life on my ex, he wasn’t going to get any more years messing with my head! It definitely motivated me to let go of it all, hope it helps you too.

3 Kat

Yes I’ve been there too and going after them will only bring you down. I lowered myself to yell back when he started in on me. I still want to yell at them at times when they say things to hurt my children but that only makes it worse. Show that you are a better person and seek God for peace. Trust me He will give it to you.

4 Renee

I’m exactly where you are and i feel exactly how you feel. I know it’s very hard to stop the thoughts of vengence and stopping these thoughts can only come from trusting in God. The unforgiveness i feel can only be changed by God. Pray to Him for Grace in forgiving “the adulterous pair”. I learned that Forgiveness is a choice not a feeling, so we have to forgive by Faith. It is very hard to do, i am well aware of that but as previous bloggers have noted, focus your thoughts on other things, and most importantly focus your mind on God and He will supernaturally heal your broken heart. I began jogging as Jason mentioned in his blog and i participate in alot of activities with my children. We don’t have control if a bird lands on our head but we can control whether it builds a nest. So the negative thoughts will come but it’s your choice of whether you will allow it to fester.
I’m praying for you and all who are hurting.

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