Why? Is a huge question when it comes to divorce. Why did you cheat on me? Why don’t you love me anymore? Why didn’t God stop this from happening? Why me? There are so many different ways to ask why hoping that the answer will bring some comfort but in reality the answer is rarely comforting.
For example; if you were to ask your spouse (ex) why they don’t love you anymore they are likely going to give you an answer that revolves around everything you did wrong. “because you work too much”, “because you don’t treat me right”, “because I met someone else”. All those answers, and I am sure there are many more, really stink and pierce the heart. Between God, myself and close friends we can usually find areas we need to improve on. We don’t need to hear if from our ex or soon to be.
When faced with an inevitable loss getting the answer to “why” is often too late. If it weren’t – you and your spouse would have sat down months ago and hashed things out; putting together an action plan on how you would improve and fix the relationship.
There are certain reasons we find ourselves asking why. Mostly because we have been hurt, disappointed, or see suffering in others. It is usually after the fact and a lot of damage has already been done. Often times the event is out of our control and there simply is no answer besides the fact we live in a fallen world.
What to do instead
Sometimes getting the answer to why only makes us angrier, more bitter, and depressed but when we change our approach and ask the question “What should I do NOW?” we change our outlook on life. We take responsibility for our lives and seek answers on what to do next. This gives us control of ourselves… “why” hinges on what others say and think and quite often they don’t have it right.
Instead of asking why and feeling like a victim ask yourself, “What should I be doing now?”