Child Custody Help

by Jason Deines

in Questions & Answers

Submitted by James

I will try and make this brief. I have 4 children from 16 to 6. My ex – wife has spent her time searching for a new man and has made the kids feel like they are 2nd to her desires. I have been the parent that has been away from my kids for 2 days in the past year. I have found a wonderful christian lady that has 4 kids and for the past year we all have grown very close. I will not go into what all the ex has done BUT,,,,the talks has started about marriage and with her military job soon to retire but restarting a gov. job that she would not be able to move from. The problem is the ex has given the 2 older children the ok to move 140 mile away, but not the younger ones. In our divorce it states by her (the Ex) own writing…that the children have the right to relocate with whom they choose in their best interest…This was written when she thought that one of her internet dating buddies my pan out and was out of state. I am trying so hard to be the best ex husband and dad. All the kids want to go with me if i move but the ex is fighting it. We tried mediation (Christian) It did not work out when the ex did not hear what she wanted. The mediator/counselor did not like the idea she was seeing a not yet divorced man and then learned that they were talking marriage after 2 months of dating. I do not want to leave my kids. I have my younger children begging me not to loose the very special woman in their lives. They said they would be willing to stay here with their mom so i could be happy.. I just do not know what to do. advise please


{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

1 Jason

James, what comes to my mind is take the kids out of the middle. I feel there could be a lot of guilt if they have to choose which parent to go with, maybe not now but later. I agree that the 16 year old is old enough to choose but the little ones, not so much. I know that if I were to go back to court on child custody and we did go to mediation that no matter what my ex thought or did the judge would likely go with the recommendation of the mediator. That person has taken the time to get to know much more about the situation than any judge will ever do. I guess I would use that as a bargaining chip in the process.

Child custody is a messy business and the thing I had to remember is that I need to be very careful of my motives and what I do. Ultimiately it is the children that suffer, no matter what the outcome. Do you know what kind of visitation schedule your ex would want if you were to get all the children? What could you do to make her feel more at ease about giving in? Just a couple things to consider.

You said:

I have my younger children begging me not to loose the very special woman in their lives. They said they would be willing to stay here with their mom so i could be happy..

I am probably misunderstanding so don’t take this the wrong way but in my opinion you need to change this… I mean your children NEED to understand that they come first and they are the ones that make you happy. That you will never leave them for anyone, EVER! They should not sacrifice anything or feel responsible for your happiness. They should know that you will be happy with or without this woman in your life. Reassure them that God has everything under control and that they need not worry themselves about it. And again I just don’t think that young children should be making adult decisions, whether it be dad’s happiness or which parent to be with.

God bless and my He grant you wisdom, patience, and everything else you need to get through this.

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