Direction in Life

by Jason Deines

in Questions & Answers

Submitted by Richard

A few years back my marriage fell apart after an affair on my part.Was divorced a few months later,tried everything that I could to stop it and to make things right after the divorce for months.Tried to start over with an old girlfriend from high school,got married,but am still in love with my ex-wife.My current wife and I are Christian(have been for most of lives,since we were teenagers)The more that I study the Bible,and pray,the more I feel that I should be with my ex-wife and my children.The confusion and fighting with myself is tearing me apart and slowly killing me.I need answers,direction to my confusion.


{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Jason

Richard, the way I see it is that your past is just that “passed”. I think you should focus your energy on your current wife and love her like no other. Divorcing her to be with your ex-wife would just be sinning all over again. I would let the past go, forgive yourself and look to the blessings that God has placed in your life. Stop fighting yourself, over analyzing and learn to live in the moment. This isn’t fair to your wife… We all make choices we may regret later but we can either learn and change or we can live unhappily. Every choice is a learning experience and it is the learning that brings us closer to God and who we are. At least that is my 2 cents…

2 Kat

Jason is right. And you need help. You need to find out why “the grass is greener on the other side of life”

3 Richard

Jason,Thank you for advice to my problem,but I believe that I rushed into another marriage before it was time for me to do so.All the signs and advise from others was there,but were ignore on my part as I was lonely and thought that I could pick up and begin again with my current wife.My wife and I have been drifting apart for awhile now and am not sure that what we thought was love was real or meant to be.We exist in the same house but are more like friends than as a couple.Letting go of my past is easier said then done.Thank you again for your 2 cents and your website,wished that I had found it earlier

4 Jay

Richard,

I agree with Jason. Mistakes are a learning point. Once you make them, learn from them and change yourself so that you never have to deal with it again. Its not fair to your current wife that she would have married you while you still have feelings for your ex. There is a reason that its called the past. Live in the present and focus on your future. No life on this earth is perfect, we all make mistakes. Keep praying to God and He will heal your heart. The enemy is stronger, but our Lord and Savior is stronger. Dwell in His strength. I will keep you in my prayers my brother.

Regards,
Jay

5 Jason

Richard, I understand what you are saying and sure you may have rushed into things BUT your current relationship can and will be restored if you desire it. Of course you need to reach out to your children and work on those relationships but you remember the old saying, “two wrongs don’t make a right”? You still have healing to do and God will be there with you and the past will be less important as you set out on your new journey… Hang in there brother!!

Also, Jay makes a good point… the enemy is messing with you. Seek the truth in God’s word and hold strong!

6 Richard

Thank you all for your opinions and thoughts on my situation(s).Thank you for your prayers and suggestions as well,I will take them to heart,consider them bring them before the Lord along with my prayers,hopes,and dreams.As to having a relationship with my children,they are my rock and know that I am always there for them night or day.I spend as much time as I can to try and give them a normal family life.

Kat,what kind of help are you referring to? I thought that is what I was searching for here.

Letting go of the past and not having any feelings or emotions are not like turning a light switch on and off.
Journeys are like a circle never ending,or what goes around comes around.Thank you all again for your imput,suggestions and concerns,but answers are in God’s hands and only He can handle the mess that I have made of my Life

7 Kat

Richard,
You need to find out why you are looking for something better. I think that you need a therapist. It’s not a cut down but finding out why we do the things that we do it helpful.

I’m praying for you.

8 Jason

Richard,

Yes, God can handle the mess but you have to do the clean up. And frankly, sometimes things are as easy as turning a switch on and off and that usually happens when the pain becomes unbearable driving us to make a course correction in our lives.

I had a great therapist to talk to after my divorce and I agree with Kat. Talking to someone with no attachment or worry about offending makes it easy to get sound advice.

9 Richard

Thank you for your suggestions,but I think that I will pass on a therapist.I will clean up my own mess with the help of God and will the love,support, and the wisdom of my children.My journey is at an end and complete.

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: