Why Relationships Fail

Why Relationships Fail

by Jason Deines

in Dating after Divorce, Featured

There are countless reasons why relationships fail or at least begin to fail. Some people are surprised when it does, others not so much but one thing is certain; relationships take work and they take a conscious effort to make them last and at the same time be rewarding.

After divorce there are many questions that seem to need answers and often the biggest is; why did this happen? When a marriage ends, often the reasons are quite obvious but there are times it isn’t and knowing why really doesn’t help you feel better about things, in fact sometimes it just makes things worse.

We all want to have hope in the future that we will succeed and have a loving relationship. If you take the time to understand why relationships fail you can work on those areas of your life before you get into a new one and hopefully this will help you find and build a stronger relationship later in life.

10 Reasons Relationships Fail

  1. Probably the main reason relationships fail is because you are with the wrong person. Sometimes this can be evident from the very beginning other times it takes several months.
  2. Sabotage! Have you ever heard of a self fulfilling prophesy? I think to some extent we have all done this to some degree. We may be with a great person but for some reason we begin to sabotage it thinking either they aren’t good enough or we aren’t.
  3. We all have ideas and beliefs on how things should be. But sometimes they are incorrect. If our beliefs are wrong and our boundaries are skewed it will damage a relationship.
  4. Falling in love with the illusion. I definitely fit into this category when I first got married. I was in love with the idea of marriage, family, and responsibility. When we are chasing a dream we can make huge mistakes and make decisions and commitments for the wrong reasons with the wrong people.
  5. Poor communication is a major stumbling block in relationships. Whether that is internalizing issues, mind reading, yelling, slamming doors, or avoiding conflict altogether. Poor communication leads to misunderstandings and broken hearts.
  6. Love as a feeling. We all want to love and be loved but if we base love on how we are feeling then at some point we may find that we don’t “feel” in love any longer. Think about what you do for your child each and everyday. You put their needs before your own… that is love.
  7. Neglecting the relationship causes it to suffer. If we are consumed with work, friends, or simply sitting on the couch we may be neglecting the relationship. Your relationship is only going to be as good as the work you put into it.
  8. Expectations are something that we all have and frankly some are unrealistic. When we get into a relationship and don’t get what we expect it creates conflict.
  9. Common interests or opposites attract. We all have different tastes, likes, and hobbies but that doesn’t mean we have to share the same ones. Sure it is nice to have some in common but it is more important to love someone that share the same values rather than activities.
  10. I’m perfect so you need to be perfect too. Okay, we all know that no one is perfect but there are times when we hold ourselves and others to standards that simply don’t make sense.

I’ve said it before and I will say it again, relationships are hard and they take work. Putting time and energy into a relationship will be rewarding. You might not meet “your person” your first time out but if you work on having healthy adult relationships you will grow and eventually find a great relationship to invest in.


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