Gods Will and Divorce

by Jason Deines

in Questions & Answers

Submitted by KT


My husband and I are on the brink of divorce. Unfortunately, this is my second marriage. My first marriage and divorce took place when I was 21 years old – we were both just too immature and young to deal with our issues, so after 7 months of marriage (while living in different states because he was in the Army) we divorced. I started dating my current husband INSTANTANEOUSLY (he was a friend that had had feelings for me while I was married, which I wasn’t wise enough to see as a threat to my first marriage) after the divorce. We dated for three and half years before we got married – throughout our dating life we made the mistake of living together (although we considered ourselves Christians, neither of us were really walking with God or pursuing Him). We had an extremely turmultuous courtship and numerous problems in our relationship, and I even broke our engagement off at one point. But my husband came back to me at the time and convinced me that everything was different and he’d come to so many realizations, and convinced me to marry him three months later. Since then, it has been hell with brief periods of sunshine. We relocated to CA, bought a house, and started a new life in a very Christian-focused town. Somehow he managed to seek out the non-Christian singles that are out drinking and that’s what he really loves to do. He refuses to give up alcohol and says he has more fun with his friends than with me. We even had a discussion about the fact that he may have a personality disorder that makes it much more difficult for him to love, feel guilt, and do the right thing. For a long time I was just hoping this was immaturity, but personality disorders last a lifetime. I simply cannot take a lifetime of being brushed aside and treated awful (there’s been a lot of verbal abuse and complete disregard for my feelings – I feel more lonely than I probably would being on my own).

In the past six months, I’ve really focused a lot more on God and what He wants for me life. My husband and I started coming together in Him and things were great for a couple months, but my husband doesn’t really want to give up a lot of worldly pursuits that are ruining his relationship with God and with me. We’re at a major breaking point. I’ve been praying so hard for God to give me an answer, but my question is this – since God hates divorce, He will condone our divorce, right? At the same time, I just can’t imagine this loving God to okay with me staying in a marriage that is so incredibly painful – I honestly feel like it is taking years off my life. It’s hard knowing how to turn to God in this situation. I want His guidance, but it seems futile to pray for something that the Bible gives a clear answer about God’s feeling on the topic. Has anyone else felt like this or does anyone have words of wisdom?

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Jason

KT, I would imagine most everyone out there has felt the pain you are feeling and thought the same things. Should you divorce? The bible says no. You went into this knowing that there were going to be issues. We have consequences for our actions but on the flip side does God want you to be miserable? No, He sure doesn’t! I guess I would seek out some counseling that will help you deal with the issues and if your husband does have a disorder I would learn how to deal with it. Remember that God hears your prayers but He doesn’t always answer them in the time or the way we expect. He is with you and working; make sure that you continue to let Him work in and through you. Be that shining light. If things are super terrible at home then separate… Divorce doesn’t need to be rushed into and it isn’t the only option. Always remember that God is using you in some way. Lastly, if you do decide that you simply can’t handle the marriage, God will forgive you. He forgives all of us for the things we do when we ask. We are all sinners!

2 Kat

Jason is right.

I’m praying for you

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