Dealing with a Jerk

by Jason Deines

in Questions & Answers

Submitted by Kat

How do you move on in life when the ex keeps acting like a big jerk. My kids have to deal with it and the emails and texts are just too much. I don’t think that I could meet a nice guy with this going on. What man wants that in a relationship?

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Jason

Hi Kat, sounds like you have some fun times with your ex too. ;-) I used to worry about finding a person that would accept me with my ex being as she is but I have found that there are people out there that understand. I think it is more up to us to define good boundaries and stick with them. Keeping new interests out of the drama is important when developing relationships. As for what your ex is doing I guess you really don’t have much control of what he does and says but I have found, from experience, the “delete” button is my new best friend. Over time I have learned what is an important message and what isn’t so 99% of the time I don’t listen, read or respond to messages from my ex, I just delete them. I know… I am bad. So far I haven’t been burned too badly. When my daughter is with her it is a different story but I don’t need to worry about that too much. Hopefully, your ex will get bored with the childish behavior and move on.

Don’t ever let what someone else is doing stop you from pursuing the person you want to be. You can move on with life and view him as more of an annoyance rather than a stumbling block. Feel sorry for him instead of anger, he obviously has issues and you are above that, better than and you are going to be just fine.

2 Kat

You’re right Jason,
I rarely respond to the bashing. Because it’s just crazy and most of what he says are lies or just being mean. He’s bashed my sister after her death. My kids loved her like they love me. He shows me who he really is when he does this.

My friends laugh at the text messages because they come one after the other. My kids now laugh when he does that to us.

To be honest it’s a hold back in looking to meet someone because it seems to me that our broken relationship is a red flag. I know I feel that way when men tell me that they have to communicate through a mediator. Something I have thought about for us. I can also see that it’s a hide behind so that I don’t have to put myself out there. Out there is a big scary.

I do feel sorry for the two of them because they have hurt relationships with our kids. My kids love him and his wife but they just keep saying things to them. my son blows them off but my daughter worries and asks a lot of questions. It stinks to have to answer those questions.

Some day it will all be great but living in it right now is hard, very hard at times.

I do try to pray for them.

God has given us a lot and He will take care of us so I’m good.

3 Jason

Broken relationships… we all have them and trust me I feel the same way, in fact, going through it today. Sometimes I just feel that I am the bottom of the barrel and don’t understand why anyone would want to be with me. If looking at my ex is any judge of my character I failed miserably (BTW: I am not dumping this all on her and saying it was all her fault, I had a lot of issues myself)! I guess that is why I read so many self-help books, counseling and talking to my pastor. I know that some look at self-help as worldly but I found with the books I read I could see biblical principles all over the place; to live in the moment, to have faith in good things, to give and to find joy in troubled times. I know I am not the man I was years ago and I know I deserve the best but I get scared too… (I think I just went off on a tangent) :-)

Anyhow, I understand what you are going through and I wish there was a way out but I kind of think we are stuck with our past mistakes but that doesn’t mean we have to be stuck.

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