How Can I Go Back

by Jason Deines

in Questions & Answers

Submitted by Marcie

Hi friends in christ,

I am confused and would like your help. My husband and I met 15 years ago, started dating and by the 3rd month I found myself pregnant. I already had a son in a previous relationship. We called ourselves christians but were very far from God. We got married but as you can guess, we had a lot of problems from the beginning. In-Laws issues, financial problems, mental and verbal abuse, infidelities on his part. I stayed we with him thinking that the situation will change. After 8 years of marriage, I turned to a friend for emotional support and we ended up having an affair that was wrong for both of us. I confessed to my husband, he became very angry, physically mentally and emotional abusive. I cried, begged for forgiveness but I found myself in more troubles. That is when I turned to God and I have been saved since then, I have nerver been unfaithful since, I humbled myself to Jesus and my husband . but the more I was seeking God, the more my husband and our marriage became a nightmare. My husband never missed an opportunity to punish me, to call me names in front of the children, or give me silent treatement that will last for months. he has been more unfaithful and I even know some of his women. 2 years ago, he stopped having intimmate, phisical or emotional relations with me, he will not even say hello to me, the bills started mounting, I became depressed and I have anxiety attacks and high blood pressure. he started travelling to Europe every 3 months where I know he had a mistress. In one year he travelled 4 times. I confronted him about our marriage. I asked if we can work on our marriage for the sake of the children and God; he said nobody can force him to stay married to me but he did not want to leave. he was living like he has no family. I prayed to God , asked Him to change my husband but nothing changed. On March 16 of this year, he left me again for one of his trips without a notice. I had no way to contact him. My daughter got seek and I could not take it anymore, I left our home. the house was in forclosure. He wants me to go back to him but he is still abusive, still pointing the finger at me and has not had any remorse what so ever. has taken money from me and not supported me and 3 children since I left. I tried to get closer to him but the stress was just too much. he wants me to come back home but does not want to change. I still care about my husband even with all this troubles but I don’t me and the children to live in this kind of environment. My children don’t want to go back.

My question: God said he does not like divorce but how can I go back to that?
Since I am the one who left and I had been unfaithful too before being saved, what is my position in front of God?
I know God has already forgiven me. because I am totally committed to Christ but I don’t want to make another big mistake.

If we divorce , am I being the wrong party here? I don’t want to sin for the rest of my life.
Forgive the length; I had to put it all out there for you to help me.
God bless you,


{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Jason

It sounds like you both made some pretty big mistakes but it also sounds as if you have sought forgiveness and repented, which your husband has not done. He continues to commit adultery and therefore I think you have biblical grounds to divorce. If he wants to stay together he needs to put his money where his mouth is and show you that he is a changed man. As for your position with God you are His daughter whom He loves very much and whether you are right or wrong He will continue to love you. I really believe He wants us to do the best we can and I am confident that most of us have to ask forgiveness for something each day.

2 Kat

Marcie,
You did the right thing in leaving him. He left you and the children years ago when he chose the affair.

God made grounds for divorce, so yes I too think that you have reason to divorce.

The abuse most likely will get worse if you stay and he isn’t trying to work things out. If it feels wrong to take him back it most likely is.

I’m praying for you and the kids

Kat

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