Should I Remarry – Gods Will

by Jason Deines

in Questions & Answers

Submitted by Rachel

Hello, my name is Rachel and I am 22 years old. I stumbled upon your website because I was seeking answers concerning divorce. I left my husband last May (2010) and our divorce was finalized on August 6th. The main reason for the separation was I was confused – later I learned that he was a manipulative-sociopath and not, according to his actions, a Christian. I left him because I was afraid for my life (I became suicidal less than a year into our marriage (we were married in January of 2009)) and because I thought marriage should be so much more than what I had with him. My family insisted he manipulated me, and whether he did or not, I was living in sin. I sought comfort in other men. I made out with a man during our marriage and he said he’d never be able to forgive me for that. After I filed for divorce I was nearly raped by another man. When the divorce was finalized I slept with three other men. I’m not sure how much detail I should go into, but my question is this: is it against God’s will for me to remarry after divorce? You would think after my experiences that marriage would be the last thing on my mind, but I have always struggled with wanting to be in a relationship and I’ve always wanted to be married. I’m still trying to figure out what marriage means. I’m dating a Christian man right now and we’re both trying to understand what we should do, according to God. I don’t want to be in sin. If it’s unlawful for us to be together, I’d like a clear answer. We’re trying to seek counseling, but of course I’m afraid. Can you offer any advice? I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you.

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Jason

Hi Rachel I am sorry to say but I won’t be able to give you a clear answer. From what you have mentioned it is my opinion that you have some areas of your life you need to work on before ever getting married again or even dating.

Nevertheless, God will forgive you for divorce and I don’t think it will be a sin to remarry. As for knowing God’s will, no one can tell you that, it is something you discover on your own through your relationship with Him.

2 Jay


Its very difficult to answer your question. You say your ex husbands actions were not of a Chrisitian, but after the divorce your actions were not that of a Christian either. Im not here to judge because this is why I am getting divorced. My wife has chosen to leave, and according to the bible, as Christians, we are to let the unbeliever depart because God has called us to peace. Her actions are not of Christian values. My advice to you is this, before you start thinking of marriage, or even dating, you need to come to God first. Our foundation and relationship in Christ is foremost. Everything else will fall into place. Don’t be concerned with earthly relationships, we can’t take them with us to heaven. But our relationship and what we do for Jesus on earth lasts for eternity. Please focus on that, and not what your flesh desires. Your brother in Christ.

3 Ben

As hard as the truth may seem, Jason and Jay have both hit the nail on the head. We are not here to judge, because none of us can “cast the first stone”. Your thought to Jay’s response is likely going to be something along these lines, “If I leave the men alone for a time and push into Jesus, there will be an alone feeling and a void in my life.” I say that because I thought the same thing (about leaving women alone) after my divorce last September. I was constantly bombarded by the thoughts of “Im losing out on so much of my life by being alone”, and “I feel like Im wasting time that Im never going to get back.” Well…Im here to tell you…Christ will fill that void for you to the extent that you wont even know its there. You will find your joy in Him and He will direct your path into a Christian relationship because you will be following him and he will know that is it the desire of your heart. I also know from experience that He WILL restore to you what the enemy has taken away. And one last thought…if being alone is out of your comfort zone like it is for me…just remember, the realm of the unknown is where Jesus is. Trust in Him and lean NOT on your own understanding. Take care and I hope it all works out for you!!

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