Overcoming Discouragement after Divorce

Overcoming Discouragement after Divorce

by Jason Deines

in Featured, Life After Divorce

If I were to venture to guess I would say we have all been discouraged at some point. After divorce there are many opportunities to become discouraged and the likelihood of it happening is high.

There are several triggers that can cause you to get discouraged after divorce; fear, frustration, exhaustion and failure.

Common Causes of Discouragement and How to Overcome

  1. Fear
    Fear of the unknown, fear of being judged, fear of not having enough money, fear of single parenting and fear of being alone can all lead you down the path of discouragement. Satan uses these kinds of fears to drive a wedge between us and God’s will. Living in fear prevents us from reaching our full potential and sucks the joy from our lives. Instead of fearing these things; live in faith and learn about things you don’t know or understand. You can learn how to be a single parent, you can return to school to prepare yourself for a better career, remind yourself that the future is always unknown and who cares what others think of you. We have all fallen short in the eyes of God, He is our judge and He loves us.
  2. Frustration
    The feeling of frustration doesn’t even come close to describe how you may feel after divorce. Dealing with your ex maybe difficult, chores pile up as more and more needs to be accomplished, single parenting can be stressful and loneliness can all be very frustrating. The best thing you can do for yourself is to get organized, get rid of the stuff that is cluttering up your life and not producing positive results. Manage your stress and practice deep breathing. Let go of the things you have no control over and if necessary completely reorganize your life. Trust that God will provide and work towards the things you care most for.
  3. Exhaustion
    Study after study shows how important sleep is to the human body. Without it we are pretty useless and health becomes an issue. You need to take time out for yourself – shoot for a minimum of 20 minutes each day to just relax; get away from distractions, demands and anything else that requires your attention. Read, meditate, take a warm bath/shower, try aromatherapy or just lay back and close your eyes for a few minutes.
  4. Failure
    We can all honestly say that we have failed at some point in our lives and it is the failures we didn’t learn from that continue to creep up and haunt us. So learn from your mistakes, don’t beat yourself up and forgive (yourself and your ex).

Life has its challenges and sometimes you can get stuck in a rut but we don’t have to live there. Discouragements come and go and it is up to us whether or not we choose to remain in that state. Don’t forget to check out these bible verses on dealing with discouragement.


{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Jay

Jason,

This is a great article. I can honestly say I have felt all of those things you have described here. But I am working on all of them individually. Qutting smoking was one of the biggest thing for me. It was my crutch. But at 27, I got braces and decided it was time to quit. I have been smoke free for over 2 weeks now and I feel great! Im going back to University in a month. I am reinventing who I am. No longer will my fears of the unknown hold me back. My insipration comes from people who have overcome extreme adversities in their life, and become even greater than who they were. How many doctors put themselves through school, while holding down a part time job, and are possibly dealing with personal problems. You know, it is in our darkest hours that we see Jesus’ light. Great article again my friend, and I pray that a lot of people reading it will see the insight and hope it offers. God Bless brother.

2 Jason

Jay, great job on the quitting smoking. I quit… I think it was about 4 years ago, never looked back. It is useless unless you want to slowly commit suicide. I am excited for what you are doing! Keep moving forward, we will always have personal problems and they should not prevent us for striving for a successful life. Read the book Brainsteering, it is interesting and helps think inside the box… You’ll get it if you read the book. :-) Again, I am excited for you!!

3 claire

Thank you.. I am discouraged. “Faith not Fear”, I seem to be saying that to myself… an awful lot lately. The hurdle(s) of finding a new career, stepping out and acting as if I am full of confidence is very difficult, very difficult to pull off when attempting to step into a career, or just a part time job!!!
I thank you for your article, somehow it helps, knowing I am not the only one, it is fear keeping me from …. What it is the Lord has planned, it is my own hesitation… So, I will pull forward, in FAITH…
God Bless,
Claire

4 Michel Flores

It’s great advice. Yet not much advice on “HOW” to heal. It’s so easy to say Forgive your spouse, yet how when everyday you feel the pain of betrayal, adultery, and many other memories. Specially when you gave so much effort to make it work. My ex was unfaithful sleeping with another man, lied about changing living a wild life, hid a gambling addiction and spent all our savings, she never gave me any money to pay bills, violent constantly. Finally had to call the sheriff to take her to jail.
I forgave her thinking jail would change her, but instead she became vindictive and spread slander to all my friends about me, many won’t speak to me today, and ran back up to Alaska to marry the man she had an affair with. She left me with all the debt, broke, almost out on the streets. Am alone, discouraged, broke, in debt, and now no job once again. She was the worst mistake I have ever made in my entire life. For a woman she was not only mean, but evil in every aspect. I feel like I was scammed, I truly believed she had changed, but instead she was a woman I did not even know.

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