What if Spouse is Pregnant from Affair

by Jason Deines

in Questions & Answers

Submitted by Dave

I found out 3 months ago that my wife was having an affair. We have stayed together, sought counseling, involved ministers and family. I have done my best to show love and grace, all the while hoping for repentance on her part, and reconciliation between us. She has told me on multiple occasions that she is going to “do the right thing” and end the affair. I kept catching her in contact with him. I’ve recently suspected that she is pregnant. My question: Is it possible for our marriage to survive this if she is, in fact, pregnant? Is there any hope of me being able to get past this if she is pregnant?

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Jason

Dave, that is entirely up to you. I think the reason God gives us grounds for divorce for infedelity is because it is so hard to get past the betrayal, then to have to be reminded of it with a child, plus if this guy wants to be part of the child’s life it will complicate matters even more. can it work, yes, I do beleive God will give you the tools necessary to make it work if you so choose but it won’t be easy, also you know yourself better than anyone whether you can accept the situation and make it work. I know if it were my wife and she wasn’t repenting and cutting off contact I would likely remove myself from the picture. It is easier to forgive and begin to rebuild trust when both parties are working toward the same goal and that can’t be done when they are still in contact, on any level. IMHO

If you and your wife believe the marriage is worth saving I think it can be a blessed marriage. If she is pregnant, the child is still a blessing and you need to remember the is innocent and needs to be raised in a loving family. I think what you are experiencing is more common than most of us realize. There is a book called “Marriage Undercover” with a Christian emphasis which discusses what you are going through.

So is there hope? Yes. Do you have every right to walk away? Yes. Everything hinges on if you can handle the complexity of what may arise and what your wife does. Obviously clear strict boundaries will need to be set and trust will need to be earned and re-established.

2 John Kelly

Unless your wife is willing to cutoff contact completely with this person the affair is not over. You must set up boundaries for behaviour that will lead to trust if this cannot be done the marriage is over. See books by Hery Cloud (Never go Back, boundaries)

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