Who’s Pulling Your Strings?

Who’s Pulling Your Strings?

by Jason Deines

in Featured, Life After Divorce

There are several different kinds of relationships we have with various people and they take a certain level of commitment and work to maintain or either break away from. Not all relationships in our lives are healthy but unfortunately they are unavoidable. We often have to deal with the person at work that seems to have it out for us, a family member, or even an ex lover or spouse. Relationships are unavoidable and if you fall into a victim mentality you may find that you lack joy and peace in your life. This happens when others are allowed to “pull your strings”.

We often give people power over us; to influence how we feel, what to think, what to say, or how to act. We forget we have control over all of these things and it is us whom are giving them the power to control us.

If you feel like others have too much influence over how you feel, act and think you are not alone but there are things you can do to recapture the control, however it will need to come from within and how you perceive life around you.

Tips for Pulling Your Own Strings

  • Admit to yourself that you have had this victim mentality and that you can take control over your life.
  • Change the way you look at life; focus on being a person with the glass half full. Tomorrow always has its opportunities and a day doesn’t go by where you have a chance to grow.
  • Let go of having to be validated by others. You can become accustom to venting to others and even though you get attention it may be short lived.
  • If there are people that have taken it upon themselves to exert their controlling behavior upon you or that are mean to you don’t let it get to you and treat it as a challenge to learn from them, learn about yourself (why what they are doing bothers you) and practice reacting with a kind word or not at all. The goal is not to react in the way which they desire. You want to react in a way which makes you feel empowered.
  • Gratitude is important in everyday life otherwise we forget all the blessings we have and start to focus on what we don’t have. If you focus your energy on thinking about the great things you have you have less time to worry about what you think you need to make your life better.
  • Take responsibility for your life. This isn’t always easy but when you take responsibility you also have the power to change how you feel or the things you do.
  • Give up having to always be right. Having to be right means someone else needs to be wrong. There are multiple variations of right and wrong so don’t get stuck in narrow thinking.
  • Giving to others is a great way to break from the victim mentality. When you put your focus on others you take it off of self.
  • Lastly, you want to forgive yourself for the mistakes you have made and those that have wronged you.

Let go of the past and start living for today. Don’t let others pull your strings, you have control over how you feel, act and think. You don’t have to be perfect and breaking the habit of being a victim may take time but you can do it. Look to friends and family to help you by identifying negative behaviors and attitudes. If it gets to be too much then check out professional counseling. Talking things out with someone that understands is a great and quick way to change your thinking habits.


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