Where to Attend Church

by Jason Deines

in Questions & Answers

Submitted by Nisa

I am engaged to a wonderful man who is a christian and is very active at his church. When we first met, I was honest with him that I didnt attend church on a regular basis. The church he attends three times a week happens to be his ex wife parents church. His ex wife father and mother are the pastors of this church. His ex wife as attends the church. Since we started dating, my life has completely changed for the better. He has taught me so much and im just a better person overall. I even started attending a friends church on a regular basis because I didnt feel comfortable going to his church considering the situation. We got engaged two months ago and the more we talk about marriage, the church situation is becoming a huge issue for me. I expressed to him that im extremely uncomfortable with the idea of worshiping at his church when we get married because he has an extensive history there with his ex wife (10 years) and he is very close to her family. I suggested that I would like for him to find a church of his choice for us to worship together when we get married. I feel it is very important for a family to worship together and never go into a marriage divided and separate. He told me that he loves his church and the Lord has him there. I on the other hand, want a fresh start somewhere with my soon to be new husband. Am I wrong for feeling this way and wanting to start my marriage out together? Please help!!!


{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

1 Jason

In my opinion you have a valid concern and this is already a major issue for you; to ignore it would continue to cause conflict down the road in your marriage. Wanting a fresh start is okay… Obviously, I can’t tell you what to do but if you can’t come to a compromise or learn to joyfully accept going to this church you may need to reconsider getting married for a while.

If he has children with his ex I could see how going to the same church may be beneficial or if he is responsible for a particular ministry but if you are going there just to worship and hear the spoken word, God has many churches that teach well.

I guess I would consider the following: can learn to accept the situation and be happy (don’t even focus on the ex and her family and develop new friends), if not what are you going to do? Are you going to attend separate churches? Also, does he have other motives for going to the same church? How long has he been divorced? How much interaction does he have with his ex and her family?

For me and my wife it is about finding a church we want to go together too, where we will both feel comfortable and be taught well. I have a lot of history at my old church but fresh starts can be great. I know this probably isn’t much help but the keys to marriage are commitment, compromise, communication and selflessness. I would recommend talking to a pastor at church but that might be kind of weird in this case.

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