Hard to Stay Married

by Jason Deines

in Questions & Answers

Submitted by Capella

I stumbled upon this website as I was looking for bible verses dealing with greif and I have been reading all the articles which I find very good and enlightening. But my question is, what about us who have not yet gone through a divorce, but it seems inevitable? I am really struggling with my marriage and I have been praying daily for wisdom, but i just can not see what the right answers are. I also have 3 children to consider when I am thinking about a divorce. How do you know if getting a divorce is the right answer or how do you know that staying in the marriage is the right answer? My situation is especially hard to know what to do because there has not been any blatant offense committed such as an affair. Do I even have the right to think about divorce?

{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Jason

Divorce is rarely the answer and God typcially wants people to work out their differences. There are many programs and counselors that can help you find the solution you are looking for to save your marriage. Instead of focusing on whether or not to end it focus on how you can make it amazing. There is glory in saving a marriage and God will reward your efforts, in His time of course. If there has been infedility then you can divorce but it is still hard, nothing with divorce is easy. Keep seeking God’s will and consider a different approach.

2 Jay


I would recommend staying in the marriage. I don’t know the scope of your situation but if there hasn’t been any blatant offense on either one of you, you need to try and work it out. If you choose to stay, God will bless your decision and be beside you. I’m not saying that God will turn His back on you if you decide to divorce, but it will hurt Him. My wife left me and lives with another man. I told her many many times that I would forget all that if she would just come back and us work on us. She has no desire for it. I don’t want to divorce, I really do not. I still struggle with this daily. God does not want your marriage to end. It is humans that decide to end marriages. Jason is right. Don’t focus on divorce. Focus on how you can make it amazing. I will keep you in my prayers. God Bless you and your family

3 Harland Mayes

I am divorced and it was totally my fault. There is not a moment that I do not regret the damage I did , not only to my daughters life, my wifes, but the reputation of the Lord’s name among unbelieving folks, friends. I constantly replay choices, years of comprimise, justifying sinful actions….but close behind and as close as I am able…remember that the Lord redeemed me from all my sin..very very crucial ..nevertheless painful beyond describing. Fidelity, faithfulness to the Lord and your family, this is your lifes purpose!

If you want to be completly and utterly miserable then ….well there are all kinds of things to pursue that. But you had better realize something seriously, The Lord is not going to allow you to play games and think you’ll have peace. Fidelity is first and foremost a characteristic of the Lord, faithful in His word, faithful in keeping you from eternal punishment because He redeemed you by His work on the cross. Being faithful to your wife must be an absolute first priority. Everything that you teach your children about the heavenly Father is most evident by faithfulness to their mother.
Also your peace of mind, relationship with the Lord really hinges on faithfulness, fidelity. Not eternal security, that is done, your salvation is based totally on Christs work on the cross, you can do nothing to add to it, somehow make it more applicable or permanent to your life by your effort. However the damage done by playing with porn, drinking at bars and associating with women other than your wife will cause you unimaginable sorrow. I cannot overstate this. Do everything you can to get home after work, stay close to your family. Cultivate in your sinful heart Gods word . If do nothing but watch some awful show on tv with your family, it is way way better than sipping beers with strangers.
Cultivate fun with your family, in anyway you can…remember there is nothing trivial about this, do it with absolute urgency in your heart.

On your own or by yourself if necessary copy scripture to engrain Gods word in your thinking. Duet 17:18-20, Remember that our hearts are deceitful always..without Gods word saturating every thought, we can be incredibly creative at justifying slight actions that tend towards infidelity…never ..never go to bars , the place where the Lord will bless your life and your families life is with them.

4 Trish

I would do anything to get a second chance! If there is any hope, please stay and work through your differences ~ for you, your husband and your children. Talk to God and ask for His blessings on your marriage. I hope and pray you can make this work!

5 mike

Pray and seek Godly counsel. He will answer you.

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