How to start dating after divorce is a tricky question and the one question most people who have gone through a divorce will eventually ask themselves. It can be a long time before a person feels ready to get back into dating after years of marriage, time spent healing and reluctance to enter the dating scene. Other questions might come up such as; Am I ready to date? Will I get hurt again? How do I prevent my next marriage from ending in divorce? All are valid questions, but at some time you are going to have to face your fears and not worry about the unknown.
Before tackling how to start dating after divorce you need to look at why you want to date. If you have taken the time to deal with past issues, healed from your past relationship and feel it is time to meet new people, then you are good to go. However, if you are looking for someone to take care of or take care of you, don’t want to be alone or dating out of jealousy because your ex is dating you probably should wait – but let’s assume that isn’t the case here…
Tips on How to Date
- Know Your Expectations – Are you dating for fun and to meet new people or are you looking for long-term commitment? Your expectations may affect how you approach dating. Your criteria for a play date may be far less stringent than those of a potential mate.
- Honesty – When meeting people it is important to be honest with them. Let them know your expectations so they can determine if both of you are on the same path.
- Put Yourself Out There – This is probably the hardest thing to do but you need to put yourself out there if you are going to start dating after divorce. The odds are pretty good that your future mate won’t come knocking at your door; you need to make an effort to meet new people.
- Don’t Just Date Anyone – Despite what people say about judging a book by its cover you should be selective. If you are looking for a long-term relationship, then you need to find someone who is compatible, mature, self-confident, and independent and has the same goals. You can’t expect a person to change for you and you certainly can’t change them yourself. It is okay to say “no” to a person, in fact, it is preferable than leading them on.
- Make a Good Impression – One thing I really liked about online dating was the ability to get to know someone before actually meeting them. I was able to make a good first impression simply by introducing myself through email. When I did meet up with them I was much more relaxed and so were they. To make a good impression, you must have good hygiene and good manners. And above all else, be true to yourself as any attempts to be something or someone you are not will make you awkward and ill at ease.
- Positive Attitude – If you have a positive attitude and believe your “person” is out there then you will find him/her. Smiling and a positive attitude will attract people into your life. Dating can be difficult, but eventually, it will pay off. Meeting the right person the first time out of the gate is unlikely so remaining upbeat will help get you through times of uncertainty.
- Safety – Safety is always a concern these days and until you get to know someone it is best to meet in a public place and a familiar part of town. It is okay to meet at your local coffee store several times until you feel comfortable committing to a dinner date or a movie night.
- Have Fun – Don’t be too serious on first dates and don’t talk about previous relationships or the terrible things your ex-did. Try to be humorous, joke around and build a bond of friendship.