Why Does God Allow Adulterers To Win?

by Jason Deines

in Questions & Answers

Submitted by K

You know the expression, “Cheaters never win”, well, I’m here to say that isn’t true at least in my case.

My ex husband has our boys because I am too ill to care for them alone. He has a new marriage whereas no one would want me once they began to see all of my shortcomings. He publishes christian books and albums; has an outgoing personality; handsome and has 3 incomes at his disposal including mine for child support. All I do is struggle to stay as healthy as possible for my kids and now I have no job and no medical insurance and no one to love me. I don’t believe in “happiness” anymore. That was before my christian husband who said he cherished me commited adultery with several women with no repentance. I did the best that I could and my best wasn’t good enough. He still walked out the door.

Five years later I still cannot shake this. Every weekend I see him and am reminded of my failure to satisfy. I found out this week that he has written a book/blog about our marriage from his distorted point of view. I am so ashamed and angered of how he views me and the love I gave only to him as a virgin wife.

People always say that God can do anything or He can turn any situation around. I don’t believe that. There is no turning this situation around. It is what we’ve made it. I just find it ironic that the one who broke covenant with me and God is the one prospering in every way.

He said the Lord was giving him another woman to marry. What was I?

The Lord says vengeance is His and He’ll repay. But there is no vengeance to repay against another christian. How do I win?

I have never had other men in my life to soften the blow of divorce. I’ve taken the pain head on and alone except for God. Sometimes in life, Cheaters do win.


{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Jason

I know what you are saying is very real to you and I can’t say that I have an answer except that God has a way of working things out. He may not punish your ex or set things “right” as you expect but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a price to pay. As Christians we will all stand before God and account for our lives.

I have a boss that is horrible, demeaning, rude and will walk all over anyone to get to the top. He makes hundreds of thousands of dollars a year and I often feel it isn’t fair making me question what is said in my leadership books about true leaders and success. What he does is completely opposite, yet he makes A LOT more money than I and has reached a level of success that I only dream about. Sometimes it is hard to accept – I am powerless so I must accept it and move on. That is what I suggest you do. I know it is difficult but you need to stop beating yourself up and saying things such as “no one would want me”, “no one to love me” and “I don’t believe in happiness anymore.” You are creating your future with these thoughts and the more you go down this road the more dismal your life will become.

God does have great things in store for you. It is pointless to compare your life with your ex’s so don’t. Stop worrying about vengeance and winning and start rebuilding your life by finding yourself and loving yourself. God will reward you for your faithfulness as a wife but I think He is waiting for you to let go of the anger, bitterness and self-pity. As hard as it may be you need to forgive your ex.

I believe that we can change our lives by changing the way we think. As we turn our negative thoughts to positive ones we are creating a better future. Negative thoughts can make us sick and they have a way of manifesting themselves, self-fulfilling prophesy type stuff. I am sure you have heard this all before but the question is; are you going to do something about it? Take a small step in faith and find 5 things to thank God for each day. For the next 60 days, begin and end the day by telling yourself that you are a wonderful woman worthy of love and happiness (because you are)! As you become more positive more doors will begin to open for you. What do you have to lose? Forget about why it seems people who commit adultery win and take on the mission of becoming the strong woman God intends you to be.

2 after divorce

God never allows adulterers to win.

They have to carry the burden of their guilt and shame, until they make amends and change their ways.

The greatest punishment and prison is within…

3 K

Thank you for the comments. I have taken to heart what was said and have decided to willfully turn from negative, destructive thoughts which hinder my walk with God. Nothing good is gained so I’ve released everything. I thank everyone for their godly wisdom!
May others read this post & be free as well. Amen.

4 Lisa

Dear K. i know exactly how you feel. My husband and I have been separated for 4 years. During that time he has lived with at least 2 other women. I am sick and disabled and have no one to love me and be there for me. Last year he got sick and I forgave him. I got up @ 3 am to take him to the hospital and sit with him. When he had to have surgery, I somehow got the strength to be there for him. He has been out of work so I have been doing what little bit I can to help him out. I only receive a small disability check but I still helped him even if it meant I had do go without something. I took care of all of his business. I wrote letters for him and now he’s about to start receiving his disability. We are still not living together but I see him often. Today he told me that the girl that I met at his neighbors house…that was so friendly to me is the woman he is now dating. He wants me to stop calling him so they can work on their relationship. Now i’m left feeling used and stupid. Once again I have helped him to get established so he can take care of someone else. I am yet asking God why. I felt as though God would punish me if I turned my back on the man who was still considered my husband. I thought I was doing what God expected of me. Today I want to die or I want him to. I feel like damaged goods and if by chance God sent someone to love me …I’m so hurt that I will probably hurt that person to keep them from hurting me. my husband is happy, doing well and doesn’t have a care in the world. I know that I am supposed to pray for him and the other woman but I cant right now. My best friend is going through te same thing. Her husband off 33 years left her for another woman and the woman said to her, “I pray to the same God that you do and he blessed me with your husband”. We dont know how to recover. It is hard for us to even pick up a Bible. I would love for God to tell us how we are going to get through this. I can’t believe that speaking positively about the situation will make it any better because I was speaking positive about my marriage and look what happened. So I tell you what…For now I will pray for you and I ask that you will pray for me.

5 vivian s.

My husband had an affair with my sister. I pray Ps. 35 almost every day and cry out to God as the widow did to the unjust judge: “Give me justice against my adversaries”. What irritates me is that a husband has the given right to avenge himself on his rival, but nothing is mentioned in the Bible about a woman taking revenge on her rival. Sexist?

6 John

I was a faithful loving husband for nearly 20 years. I never raised my voice or called her a name. I came straight home from work everyday to her. I did everthing I was supposed to do. I kissed her every night and every morning and told her I loved her. She was my first and last thought of every morning and night. I said a prayer everyday thanking god for my family. In the end it was all worth nothing. god introduced the man she had her affair with to her in his own house, the church. So now when I pass by a church I don’t think of the good things there I simply see the place god destroyed my marriage and family and took the only person I ever loved away from me.

7 rhoda

I was also a faithful loving wife for 17 years when my husband cheated on me and I waited and prayed and prayed and waited for God to restore my marriage. Finally God did answer not the way I expected Him to but after being separated for 8 years I finally filed for divorce and now been divorce for almost 2 years. He’s still with the women he cheated on me with. Was I hurt, angry and bitter? YES I was. But its not Gods fault, God was only trying to get my attention that I deserve better. Each day that goes by I see how God has bless me to get out of the emotional abuse marriage I was in. I didn’t see I was in a emotional abusive marriage until I took the steps to file for the divorce that my ex-husband had said he was going to file for 8 years. I’m still by myself but reading Gods word and having a close relationship with my heavenly Father I’m no longer angry or bitter. I’m happy and better. Satan will try to fool you to think what looks good is good. But if you really know God for yourself you know better. Get professional and/or spiritual counseling help if you need it. Stop talking to people(the unprofessional ones) for help and talk to God for help.

8 Teresa

I have been married for 28 years my husband left me to be with a white female 31 1/2 years younger than himself for two years I been asking God to save my husband but nothing is changing the girl is an Alcholic, weed smoker 3 little kids and his employee.I dealth with so many females in my marriage I forgave him. Even the baby he had in my marriage with a married woman forgave him for the prostitutes he picked up during marriage I was always there for him even when he hurt me mentally by lying and Deceiving me keeping it all hidden so finally after two years of him not providing for me and providing for his pleasure I filed for divorce I didn’t want to because I thought I could save him from the streets I feel like God is punishing me when all I have done was loved my husband through his sickness so yes I feel like God don’t care what he does. So why do I cry out he is not answering my prayers I always though it was me I am not a ugly female on the outside or inside I don’t want God to give me someone better I want my husband healed from his sickness he is 52 and she is 30 she has no respect nor does he after all I been through he allow her to call me names and laugh at my pain how can I keep praying for a man who can’t see that he is being used for money how?

9 Jason Deines

Teresa,

One thing I’ve learned is that God is always listening but our time and His time are quite two different things. Think about the Psalms and how David continued to cry out to God. It never hurts to pray for people but our expectations seem to get in the way. Look inward and let God work through your heart and let God deal with your husband… He will.

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