Dare to be Happy

Dare to be Happy

by Jason Deines

in Featured, Life After Divorce

We all want to achieve a level of happiness and success where we aren’t dependent on anyone or anything but unfortunately that is always possible. It seems as life throws a couple curve balls our way we begin to tighten our grip on the things we fear losing the most. The tighter you squeeze the faster it slips between your fingers and there is nothing you can do to stop it.

As I look back on a few hurdles in my life I see where things played out exactly like this. The harder I tried to hold on to a marriage, my wife no longer wanted, the worse it got. Until finally during a counseling session it was suggested to me to let her go. Then it was money; I wanted more of it in order to provide a better life for my daughter but the more frugal I became it seemed there was always something to hit me in the pocket book; high gas prices, car repair, medical bill, etc. I stopped giving to church and charity to try and get where I wanted to be however, that place never came. Then I decided to look for a new relationship and everywhere I went I had that one thought (goal) to meet someone. This became quite frustrating as it seemed nearly impossible to find the happiness I craved. Forcing it or being too needy only made things worse. Everyone told me that you will find love when you aren’t looking for it… bleh!

If holding on tight to the things we want only creates loss then how can we achieve the results we long for? I think we all want to be happy and happiness doesn’t require untold riches, fancy job titles or fame instead happiness requires a simple, yet sometimes difficult, change in the way we think and act.

Even though money can buy whatever you want if you have enough of it, it can’t buy happiness. People that have enough money to take care of their needs can be just as happy, if not happier than someone with countless one dollar bills. Studies have been done which reflect this and the results show that people who give money to the less fortunate are happier at the end of the day versus people who spend money on themselves.

Finding Happiness

If you were to talk to happy people that you know I bet they would tell you a major contributor is that they give. Of course you don’t have to give money; you can give your time, prayers, talents, compliments and smiles. And giving can be done to anyone, not just strangers. Do the dishes for your wife, pay a utility bill for your brother-in-law who is financially struggling, volunteer at a local retirement home or VA, at a restaurant give a compliment to your waitperson, there are tons of opportunities to give. True happiness comes from the ability to give from your heart and not expect anything in return.

Have you ever wanted to be able to relate to others, make a difference and be more empathic? Then become a generous person and practice random acts of kindness. As you give to others you are developing your character and increasing your self-esteem. I think we are all in a position of giving and taking in life. We might not be in need of food or money but we could always use a helping hand, a compliment or a smile from time to time. If we refuse others from giving then we are taking away their joy and happiness. Not only do we need to be a generous giver but a gracious receiver.

Quotes About Giving

It is more blessed to give than to receive.―Acts 20:35

“It’s not how much we give but how much love we put into giving.”― Mother Teresa

No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.”― Charles Dickens

“We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.”― Winston S. Churchill


{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

1 cheri

Very nice, I still don’t understand the letting go thing, I thought I was suppose to fight for my marriage and keep it together. I thought being there for my kids what was important. But what you said is so true the tighter you squeeze the harder they push away.

2 Karen McMahon

Jason,
Great article. There is a power in being open to the flow of God’s love. Open heart and open hands allow for more to flow through and come in than the clenching and grasping that we do when we are wanting. When you want (to take) it is taken from you; and when you focus on giving, it is given to you. Of course at first it feels counter-intuitive, but once you experience it, the concept comes alive.
Karen
http://www.karenmcmahon.com

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