The Death of Love

The Death of Love

by Jason Deines

in Featured, Remarriage after Divorce

Could it be that the death of love starts soon after marriage? Studies show that relationships begin to change within the first two years of marriage that could start couples down the road to divorce. I don’t think it is so much the death of love but the death of unrealistic expectations and romantic delusions. Naturally when we get married we have hopes of how marriage with our spouse will be. But what happens when marriage isn’t like the movies or our spouse doesn’t quite live up to being perfect? We grow disillusioned from unmet expectations and our thoughts, feelings and behavior begins to change. Disappointment can lead to thoughts of doubt which turns to finger pointing and blaming. If we feel less love than we did in the beginning, we can fight and argue which adds stress to the relationship.

Disillusionment is the beginning of the death of love. You may think that your spouse is the only person that fully understands you and sees things as you do but if that feeling fades it can affect your marriage. At the beginning of a relationship, couples’ focus more on the positive things and give very little attention to the problems in the relationship. Studies have shown that marriages that start with romantic bliss are more prone to end in divorce. Maintaining romantic bliss and dealing with daily life in a marriage is nearly impossible.

If you want to save your relationship then you need to be able to overcome disillusionment and love your spouse unconditionally. He might not be the perfect cook, parent, handyman or listener but that doesn’t mean you love him less. You need to nurture your love, love the person who they are and work out issues that arise in a constructive manner. From a young age we are taught to blame others for our problems. You can add a tremendous amount of satisfaction to your relationship if you do one simple thing – avoid blaming!

Couples that don’t overcome disillusionment will start playing the blame game. Eventually, this will lead to hurt and feelings of loss and low self-importance. When this happens the hurt spouse will try and change their partner and when the partner continues to not meet the other’s expectations it will lead to bitterness, anger and constant blaming. As the relationship continues to spiral downwards, less love is felt and the person feels they are no longer in love and may consider divorce. Hopelessness from disillusionment is the cause of the death of love.


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