Am I Wrong to Feel this Way

by Jason Deines

in Questions & Answers

submitted by Christy

I have been married for 18 years in September and I filed for divorce 3weeks ago. For 14 years of my marriage my husband has been an alcoholic and in complete denial. Because he blamed me for all of our problems, I found myself very depressed most of the time.I have been a Christian since I was 11 years old but grew closer to the Lord than ever in the 14 years of struggleing with my marriage. Last year, I left for the first time for four months in order to try one last thing to open his eyes that he was killing himself and destroying his family. After 4 months, things seemed to have changed and he seemed to have a different mindset so I came back with the intention of giving it a full year hoping things would only get better. They got worse and the effect on myself and my three girls was tremendous. We seperated again and I began to see that I couldnt do this anymore. I filed and a burden seemed to lift off of my shoulders. Now, he has done it again – seemingly turned a new leaf. Going to church, reading his bible, but he isnt getting help with his addiction although he says that he hasnt had a drink in 3 weeks and he dosent need AA, all he needs is God. I do not discount the all powerful healing of my Lord but I feel that he is kidding himself and trying to get me back. My question is, am I wrong for feeling that for the first time in a very long time I am peaceful with my situation and even happy that I have taken proactive steps to get myself and my children out of the pain we were in. Although I care for my husband and I really hope he does change, I have no desire to change the course I am on.I firmly believe that my Lord has to tear some things down completely before rebuilding and restoring them and sometimes that doesnt mean together – only closer to Him.

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

1 Jason

I can understand what you are saying and everyone’s situation can’t be explained in a paragraph but all I have to go by is the fact that we are all mistake prone humans with the Bible to guide our daily decisions. God will speak to us and direct our steps as we let Him. It sounds as if you have already made up you mind on what you are going to do based upon the feelings you have now. I just wonder how you might feel about things in the future not knowing the full extent of God’s glory and the effects divorce have on everyone involved. What if your husband has really accepted Jesus and is changing his ways? Just because he doesn’t go to AA doesn’t mean he isn’t sincere. It can be hard sitting around addicts listening to how it was to drink and the same stories get old after awhile. There is good support in the groups but I don’t think they are what makes a person sober, that comes from within.

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