You Are Not Alone

You Are Not Alone

by Jason Deines

in Featured, Tips for Coping with Divorce

Divorce has a way of isolating a person from the very things that may help them recover. Many people find themselves ashamed, embarrassed and feeling like failures that they often hide the fact they are going through a divorce. Instead of reaching out for help they withdraw from society or try to keep so busy that they never have to think about it.

It has always amazed me that there are countless support groups addressing various problems people have. Quitting smoking, losing weight, sex addiction, drug addictions, suicide prevention and so on but there aren’t that many programs out there that embrace people going through a divorce. I am not talking about marriage counseling, instead I am referring to being able to overcome and cope with the destructive nature of divorce and for those families with children, learning how to parent from two separate households. With a quick search on the Internet it is estimated that nearly 1,000,000 divorces occur each year. That affects 2,000,000 adults and their children that are affected by divorce each year.
Unfortunately, when couples split they do so in anger, bitterness and denial. It can take a long time before they stop pointing the finger at their ex-spouse and take a good hard look at themselves. Obviously your partner screwed up on multiple occasions but there isn’t anything you can do about them. The only person you have full control over is you and that is where the healing needs to begin.

I was fortunate enough to have a couple of great counselors during and after my divorce. One was a pastor at church and the other was a counselor for the Good Samaritan Ministries. They both helped me talk things out and best of all they helped me see myself in a realistic point of view, not my ex’s, “He’s a monster” and not my “holier than thou” point of view either. Once the areas of change were exposed I was able to work on them. I was able to build self-esteem and a more positive view of my life and what God was doing to and through me. None of this would have been possible if I continued to live in denial or if I never reached out to people that would share an unbiased point of view. You can’t really get much help from the people in your life who always takes your side because frankly, we all have our demons to conquer. So conquer them!


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