Have you noticed that some people bounce back better than others? It’s a proven fact; some people are much more resilient than others. Why is that? Are they just better at handling difficulties in life? In this post, we’re going to look at several possibilities to determine why this is the case and how you can begin to learn how to become more resilient.
When we experience an unexpected trial such as divorce or child custody we might be asking ourselves the wrong questions. So, what are the wrong questions? The questions might include:
- Why me? – How many times have you asked yourself this question when something challenging happens to you? But why shouldn’t it be you? Could it be as simple as it’s your turn? Or maybe it is a lesson and a growth opportunity. We all live in the same fallen world, and we all go through tough times. But the good news is, God is not punishing you nor does He think you are a bad person. He loves you as He always has. Sometimes bad things happen to us because of our own poor choices in life. Luckily, God is willing to forgive us and wants to give us redemption. God seems to do his best work in our lives when times are tough, and that’s probably because those are the times when we cry out to Him the most. Trials and tribulation can lead to hope.
- How can I feel better now? – We want the pain to end as quickly as possible. Right away we start looking for the quick fix. Unfortunately, for true healing to occur, there is no such thing as a quick fix. Unless you let the grieving process run its course, you aren’t going to grow from this experience. Pursuing the magic pill approach has many downfalls; overeating, drinking, smoking, drugs, rushing into romance, cold-heartedness, or bitterness (none of which have any benefit but to possibly distract you from what is going on in your life.) These things won’t help you to heal. Even though it is painful, you need to experience the pain, and you will feel better when you ARE better.
- How do I get back to normal? – When your world has been turned upside down, you can count on things never returning to ‘normal.’ After a divorce, there is no going back to the way things used to be, plain and simple. You may be required to let go of some of your old dreams, not cling to old plans, and rediscover a NEW normal. It’s time to embrace new dreams.
Asking the wrong questions can lead to the wrong behavior and will only prolong your recovery.
Characteristics of People Who Bounce Back Best
Figuring out why some people bounce back better than others boils down to the fact they are stronger and more prepared. Take a minute and look back at how you’ve dealt with hardship in your life. Did you isolate yourself? Feel sorry for yourself? Ask all the wrong questions? Make excuses? The key is to be strong before strength is required. Being spiritually, physically, and emotionally healthy goes a long way in helping people bounce back. Engaging in prayer, meditating on the word, and building Christian relationships can offer support when the unexpected happens. Rigid and inflexible faith, aka glass sword faith, doesn’t work well when tragedy hits. As my pastor put it; real faith is living amongst the wolves knowing you are stronger than they are because Jesus is stronger.
Take care of yourself physically and emotionally. Living a healthy lifestyle will help your recovery. Lastly, fight the tendency to isolate yourself. For some reason when bad things happen, many of us just want to be left alone. But all we usually wind up doing is sitting around feeling sorry for ourselves and wondering, why?
We are all vulnerable, and we can count on many troubles throughout our lives, most of which are going to be self-inflicted. Remember, there is no healing without the healer and forgiveness.
A biblical example of resiliency would story of Joseph. Hated by his brothers, thrown into a pit, sold into slavery, put in prison for a crime he did not commit and he emerges to be the second hand of Pharaoh with great power.
20 You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.
Ask yourself honestly if you want to get well. And if you do, embrace the pain, create a support system, and reach out to others and put your faith in God.