Stability – Key Concept to Helping Children after Divorce

Child Stability after Divorce

I’ve had quite a few years to reflect on the effect divorce has had on my daughter. The first year was the hardest, but Madalyn seemed to be quite resilient. Her mother was consistently taking an active role in her life. However, over time, things started going downhill very quickly. My ex-wife became very unstable and began missing her scheduled visitation times, she changed residences over half a dozen times in two years, and she talked of moving to California with a man she barely knew.

The lack of routine and the thought of possibly losing my daughter to another state terrified me, so I decided to get a lawyer. It wasn’t long before I was granted primary custody. I believed it then, and I still believe that I was acting in the best interest of our child, and if I could provide her the stable, loving home she required, then it was my duty to do so. Continue reading “Stability – Key Concept to Helping Children after Divorce”

How to Tell Your Children about Divorce

Telling Children about Divorce

Divorce is troublesome enough but explaining it to your children in a manner that they will understand is even more problematic. The last thing children ever want to hear is, “Your mom and dad are getting a divorce.”

Divorce is troublesome enough but explaining it to your children in a manner that they will understand is even more problematic. The last thing children ever want to hear is, “Your mom and dad are getting a divorce.”

Children of all ages require structure, routine, and security to grow up healthy and happy. Divorce will make parenting much more difficult but properly explaining to your children what is happening, even though they might not fully understand, will benefit them. Continue reading “How to Tell Your Children about Divorce”

Fighting Parental Alienation

ParentalAlienation

Over the years we have seen family dynamics changing; fathers are taking a more active role in raising the children as mothers are pursuing careers. Unfortunately, many families are broken up due to divorce, and if couples aren’t able to put their differences aside for the sake of the children, it can result in the children being turned against the other parent, also known as parental alienation.

What is Parental Alienation Syndrome?

In simple terms PAS is a social dynamic, generally occurring due to divorce or separation, when a child expresses unjustified hatred or unreasonably strong dislike of one parent, making access by the rejected parent difficult or impossible. These feelings may be influenced by negative comments by the other parent and by the characteristics, such as lack of empathy and warmth, of the rejected parent. Parental alienation is controversial in legal and mental health professions, both generally and in specific situations. Continue reading “Fighting Parental Alienation”

Telling Children About Divorce

Tips on telling children about divorce

No child wants to hear that their parents are getting a divorce, but it should not keep you from telling him the truth. It is important to understand what your child may struggle with as their parents go their separate ways. They may feel lost and uncertain about their futures, they may feel responsible and they may have conflicting feelings such as being caught in the middle of no-win situation.  If you want to see what children have to say about divorce look at this “The Children Suffer” post.

Here are some tips on telling children about divorce

When telling children about divorce, you need to consider their age. You are not going to approach your 5-year-old the same as you would a 10-year-old or a teenager. Even though they need to hear the truth they don’t need the gruesome details. In fact, you don’t want to talk negatively about either parent.
Continue reading “Telling Children About Divorce”

Self Help Child Custody

Self help child custody

Divorce is a family issue, and for marriages that involve children, it can be messy and expensive. Defending your rights as a parent is critical when going through a divorce because how it plays out will determine the amount of time you get to spend with your child and when.

It used to be that mothers would get the majority of the custody while fathers got every other weekend and summers while paying child support. As a father, I never wanted to be away from my child a single day. My daughter is the biggest blessing in my life, and it tormented me when I thought of not being with her. I was terrified of the system and the “old” mentality, I did not want to be an every other weekend dad. Continue reading “Self Help Child Custody”

Father Child Custody: Sole Custody

Father Sole Custody

What is sole custody? Sole custody is an arrangement whereby only one parent has physical and legal custody of a child (the other parent typically gets what is referred to as visitation rights).

Most fathers that have gone through a divorce understand that their chances are slim when it comes to getting sole custody of their children. In fact, it is estimated that about 10 to 15 percent of fathers get sole custody. There are a couple of factors driving these percentages; 1) Fathers agree outside of court to the terms and 2) Traditionally mothers have been granted it by the courts where child custody is an issue. Continue reading “Father Child Custody: Sole Custody”

Fathers and Daughters after Divorce

Fathers and daughters after divorce

Parenting is one of the most critical missions God has given fathers. To our daughters, we are the most important man in their lives. The family unit is designed to teach our children what it is supposed to be like when a loving father and mother put God first, then their relationship, and then the children. Those are the three most important things in life. The thing that should matter most to us revolve around a relationship, mental, emotional and spiritual health – not money, sex, and power.

Unhealthy relationships and divorce really throw a wrench in things and destroy families along with the whole family dynamics that are supposed to teach our children about relationships. When it comes to daughters, they are always looking at their dads to see how they treat their mom, how they handle stress, and how they show affection. Continue reading “Fathers and Daughters after Divorce”

Protect, Listen, and Encourage

Protect, listen, encourage

During divorce, things can get a bit crazy, but you need to remember that your children experience an array of emotions, just like you do, when they find out about the divorce. A typical result is the children blaming themselves for the divorce, which as parents you know is the farthest from the truth but they will remember the times where their parents experienced conflict over them and their behavior.

It is essential to talk openly with your children about the divorce. They need to understand that they are not the cause of it. It may not make them feel ultimately better, but at least it won’t diminish their self-worth. Many children grow up and live healthy productive lives after a divorce, but many don’t. As parents, you want to do the best you can so your children don’t grow up feeling unloved, insecure, or unsure of their role in all of it. Continue reading “Protect, Listen, and Encourage”

Effects of Divorce on Children

Effects of divorce on children

—Begin Rant—

As I was looking into information on the effects of divorce on children I came across this statement that said parents were concerned about the impact the divorce would have on their children. The problem I have with that is that 50 percent of marriages end in divorce. You would think if we were concerned about how it would affect our children then that number would be much lower than we would find a way to make it work if not for ourselves then for our children. But I guess at this point that is water under the bridge.

—End Rant—
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Co-Parenting – Disciplining Children

co-parenting child discipline

It is hard enough disciplining a child these days with all the controversy on what is appropriate and what isn’t. Do we risk having our children taken away from us by using a swat now and then or do we use what they call positive disciplining, reinforcing children’s good behavior? Personally, I don’t see how we can ignore bad behavior, and I know that I was a stubborn child that needed a swat on more than one occasion.

Disciplining children after divorce is going to be challenging. Communication between parents isn’t always the greatest and children may be pushing the envelope a bit more than usual because they are craving attention or having a hard time dealing with the divorce. Continue reading “Co-Parenting – Disciplining Children”