There are countless reasons why relationships fail or at least begin to fail. Some people are surprised when it does, others not so much but one thing is sure; relationships take work, and they take a conscious effort to make them last and at the same time be rewarding.
After the divorce, there are many questions that seem to need answers, and often the biggest is; why did this happen? When a marriage ends, usually the reasons are quite obvious but there are times it isn’t and knowing why doesn’t help you feel better about things, in fact sometimes it just makes matters worse.
Continue reading “Why Relationships Fail”
Here is an email I received from a visitor and thought I would share it. I usually enjoy reading what is going on in other people’s lives and I think it helps others to relate.
My experience, I was married to my husband for 19yrs. after locking myself up in apartment for a year after divorce I then ventured online to a Christian dating sight. I liked the idea of an online dating sight because I could “just talk” behind a screen, in the safety of my home. I met some guys (online only) that were real jerks, couple lead me on pretty good an caused “naive me” some real heart hurt, but it was good lesson learned, an caused me to be more skeptical an careful. I met (online only) some successful, good looking, good Christian men, that really boosted my ego, which I needed after coming from a mostly emotionally abusive marriage. Then (after deciding to no longer talk to those who lived too far away). I met some good Christian men in my area with some common interests, I decided to venture out on some first dates with those who seemed sincere an safe, …. eeeks! I soon learned, I’m shallow! Found out that no matter how wonderful they are, I have to have chemistry an will no longer try to make chemistry happen as it just doesn’t work for me, lol.
I’ve learned my instincts are pretty good an I should not doubt them. I learned meeting in public place is a rule that needs to be kept! I learned that long distance relationships are a waste of time unless one of us wins the lottery or neither of us enjoys each others company. I learned that men are needy an lonely too an will tell you whatever you want to hear to just get the ball rolling. I learned that the fantasy is usually better than the reality. I learned that being told I’m pretty had a lot of power on my emotions early on, but that those words are usually used with many others online by the same guy an should not be allowed to have so much influence. Now many of these things I already knew, but when you are lonely an fantasize of the romantic fairytale your never had, it’s funny how you have to relearn these things.
Continue reading “Stacey on Dating after Divorce”
For many of us, it has been years since we have dated and the thought of dating is just short of terrifying. The bible doesn’t give us details about Christian dating after divorce, but the message is pretty much the same as when we are looking to marry. The key component in finding the right mate is equally yoked. The definition stretches way beyond simply believing in God but entails; goals, spirituality, parenting styles, maturity, and so on.
Christian dating after divorce should be about getting to know new people… not necessarily looking to get married to the first person you develop feelings for. After being alone, it can be tempting to fall in love with the first person that shows serious interest in you – take your time!
Continue reading “Christian Dating after Divorce”
When we are rejected, it makes us feel unwanted, and it can put a dent in our self-esteem. If we are rejected by a person that we love it can be devastating and lead to depression, anger, and guilt.
When my marriage ended I felt like there was something wrong with me, that I was a failure, that I was to blame for everything, and that my wife did not like me – I felt worthless. I even realized after my first “real” relationship after my divorce that when I was rejected these same feelings came out and I was unsure how to handle them.
Continue reading “The Sting of Rejection”
Even if you hit it off with someone, it doesn’t mean that they are the right person. You may think the world of them and each time you lay eyes upon them it is like seeing them for the first time but that is a two way street, and they may not reciprocate. I used to think nice guys finished last but I don’t know if I would want to be anything but. There is a lot to be desired for a man that shows the woman in his life that she is smart, beautiful, and important. But there still needs to be more; there needs to be that chemistry, the proverbial spark that makes everything click.
Continue reading “Meeting the Right Person”
Since I have been dating, I have concluded that my previous expectations of women and what I hope to get in return are incorrect. They seem to have led me to make wrong decisions as well as giving me false hope and here is why…
It is interesting how this new era of women seems to make things more complicated and hard to understand (yes, it is the woman’s fault). There is emphasis put on being independent that seems to detract from what I think a relationship should be like. Don’t get me wrong, I think an independent woman is desirable but there are degrees of independence.
Continue reading “Women, Expectations, and Independence”
I would imagine that most of us never thought we would ever have to date again, yet here we are. We expected a lot from marriage, but for one reason or another, it sank to a barren drabness eventually to die out altogether. If we become cynical because of our matrimonial failures, we won’t be as determined to find the secret to a successful marriage. We have all come up short to some extent, and our eyes have been opened to the reality of marriage. No more living with blinders on or looking through rose-colored glasses. We have developed a new drive from within to ask for help, for insight, and to become fact-seeking. Because of what we have been through we are a wealth of knowledge, and we need to use that experience when we start dating again.
Continue reading “Are You Sure You Are Ready to Date After Divorce”
Have you ever wondered about the dynamics of relationships? There are so many things to consider and “feelings” can get in the way and mess things up. When looking into building new relationships, it is vital to keep your feelings under control and learn what you can about other people. This requires communication and listening (No, texting doesn’t count)!
One thing you might learn is that for one reason or another a relationship might develop that is superficial, lacks substance. It is nice to talk to one another, but there is no deep personal understanding of who each other is. Introverts such as myself who thrive off a few intimate relationships may struggle with the façade of maintaining a superficial relationship. What’s the point?
Continue reading “Superficial vs Personal”
Christian dating after divorce isn’t something that should be rushed into. There are several factors that can affect when a person is ready to date after divorce.
It was about a year after my divorce that I thought I was ready to date and to my surprise, I was so NOT prepared. Sitting there with a young lady over a cup of coffee I could feel that it was too early. I still had too many unresolved issues, and I did not want to get hurt again.
Continue reading “Dating after Divorce”