Are you “working” on your relationship with someone or are you “working” at changing someone?”
People in relationships often confuse working on a relationship with trying to change or fix the other person. A lot of effort is put into nagging, manipulating and getting mad at them if and when they don’t do what is expected.
Taking this approach will, more often than not, lead to failure and add to the dysfunction. It simply won’t work! Everyone has to choose for themselves if a change is necessary. When I’ve looked back to some of my turning points in life, I was at a crossroads. I could continue to head deeper into darkness or I could take responsibility for my actions and future.
I could never change the people around me to better suit my needs. Instead, I was required to change my attitude and beliefs that weren’t in line with having a healthy relationship with myself, God or others.
Continue reading “One of People’s Dumbest Mistakes”
Ten little things that can make a big difference in your marriage.
Anyone who ever said marriage is easy is either lying or has a terrible relationship with their spouse. Relationships, in general, can be stressful and in a society where hurting those closest to our hearts seems natural, it can make marriage quite challenging, to say the least. Whether you are just starting out or going on your 20 year anniversary here are 10 tips to make your relationship better.
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Could it be that the death of love starts soon after marriage? Studies show that relationships begin to change within the first two years of marriage that could start couples down the road to divorce. I don’t think it is so much the death of love but the death of unrealistic expectations and romantic delusions. Naturally, when we get married, we have hopes of how the marriage with our spouse will be. But what happens when marriage isn’t like the movies or our spouse doesn’t quite live up to being perfect? We grow disillusioned with unmet expectations, and our thoughts, feelings, and behavior begin to change. Disappointment can lead to thoughts of doubt which turns to finger pointing and blaming. If we feel less love than we did in the beginning, we can fight and argue which adds stress to the relationship.
Continue reading “The Death of Love”
What is commitment? In the most basic sense, commitment is a pledge, promise, or an obligation. Everyone has commitments; we are committed to paying our bills, keeping our word, showing up to work, picking the children up from school and half a million other things. Commitment is also a major part of marriage, and a relationship is broken if commitment falls apart.
Marriage was always intended to be a one time and life-long kind of deal. If you married in your twenties you could easily be with your partner for over 50 years – that is a long and major commitment to make. Duty is always a choice; it shouldn’t come with strings attached and should be unconditional. You commit to parenting regardless of how your child behaves.
Continue reading “True Meaning of Commitment”
Love isn’t supposed to hurt, but unfortunately, we often end up hurting the people closest to us the most. Anyone who believes that having a healthy and positive marriage is easy is misguided. It takes hard work, year after year, to have a healthy and lasting relationship. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage, but a healthy marriage should involve good feelings, nurturing behavior, and two people that are strongly committed to making the relationship work through good and bad times.
Continue reading “3 Signs of a Dysfunctional Relationship”
Weddings Shut One Door and Open Another – Learning to Live Together
A couple’s engagement period is filled with excitement and anticipation. It is as if one has received the promise of something greatly desired, but must wait anxiously before it is delivered. This time can be characterized by the absence of a critical spirit creating an experience of pure delight.
Once the wedding ceremony comes and goes the honeymoon phase eventually passes, and different feelings may arise. Emotions are no longer standing still; reality is setting in, and the perfect mate might not seem quite so ideal. Unreasonable expectations, denial, and feelings of love can get in the way when it comes to making logical decisions. After the wedding, it is essential to deal with changing perceptions as things become more and more real. We all have our little quirks that others need to accept.
Continue reading “Making Marriage Work”
Every day people fall madly in love and get into long-term relationships that end in marriage. They beam at each other as they walk from the altar, feeling that nothing is impossible and their love will withstand any and every obstacle it encounters. Eventually, however, reality sets in and the honeymoon phase ends. Daily life becomes the focus, and the couple may become like two ships passing in the night. Little annoyances like dishes in the sink, the toothpaste cap left off, and the toilet paper roll being put on the wrong direction can turn into major arguments.
Continue reading “Save Your Relationship with a Refresher”
We all have people in our lives we struggle finding the perfect gift for. One of my problems is the ability to keep surprises; when I get a great gift idea, I run out to buy it or make it and then blab to the person what I did, totally ruining the surprise. However, that is not what this article is about. This article is about ways of finding the perfect gift for any occasion.
Even if the person you wish to give a gift to seems to have everything they want and need you can still come up with some pretty cool gift ideas if you change your approach. Gifts come in many forms and don’t always have to cost a lot of money. Think back to when you were in grade school and some of the best gifts you gave your parents were the ones you made. You can do that as adults too. Giving a heartwarming gift to your children our spouse can be affordable and fun. Do they have a hobby or favorite activity you can emphasize with a special gift? How about creating a collage of pictures of your last vacation and having it framed or what about another special day? Is there a collectible that you could acquire that would add to their collection? What about a heartfelt card simply stating your love?
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There are several pitfalls when it comes to remarrying after divorce. We tell ourselves that this time around we aren’t going to make the same mistakes; hopefully, that is true. However, many people seek out new relationships based on their previous standards. Some people, particularly men, are driven by physical attraction. Men are visual creatures, and if they like what they see they tend to pursue it, but if this is their main criteria for a mate, it could backfire. Studies show that marriages based on physical attraction will end by year 5 unless something more develops.
Marriage requires friendship and communication; if you marry based on physical attraction these two criteria may not be satisfied and the marriage will eventually suffer. Physical attraction doesn’t hold a marriage together.
Continue reading “What Holds a Marriage Together?”
There are good and bad reasons to remarry after divorce. Unfortunately, many people remarry for bad reasons, and either have a rough marriage or end up divorced again.
An ideal scenario when it comes to remarriage is to marry someone because you are best friends, have similar goals and both want to be the people God created you to be. But more often after divorce people don’t take the time to deal with the baggage and hurt from their previous marriage or life’s setbacks.
Continue reading “Reasons People Remarry”