Have you ever thought you complain too much? Maybe you’ve noticed (or someone has pointed it out) that complaining has become second nature. Honestly, it isn’t your fault, and it’s actually part of how our society is wired. A couple of the big problems with complaining are that it is draining and can hurt the relationships around you. Many people are naturally negative, and our society is geared toward the negative. Any local or national news station tells you that. Most breaking news lead with headlines of doom and gloom and it isn’t very often you hear a story with a positive twist. I know it is hard for me sometimes even to watch the news because I get so angry when I see what people are capable of doing. I can turn uncaring or indifferent because I just don’t know what do with how I am feeling.
As a Christian, I am called to care and to take a different path—a path of love and gratitude without complaining. But it can be difficult to break the habit of complaining, especially if you are going through a rough patch in life.
To better understand complaining and how to stop let’s first take a look at the different types of complainers. See if you can identify which category you can relate to the most.
4 Types of Complainers
- The Martyr – This is my favorite, only because it fits me best and nobody is better than I am at throwing a pity party. I also like to call this the poor me mentality.
- The Whiner – Since life isn’t fair then I might as well complain about it rather than do something about it mentality.
- The Cynic – If it is just going to get dirty again then why to bother cleaning it up and nothing will ever change mentality.
- The Perfectionist – Nagging, arguing and complaining are all typical of a perfectionist. If nothing is ever right or your kids are complaining non-stop, ask yourself who their example may be?
How to Stop Complaining in 5 Easy Steps
The first step, and typically the hardest, is admitting there is a problem. Not somebody else’s problem but your problem. Proverbs 28:13 “A man who refuses to admit his mistakes can never be successful. But if he confesses and forsakes them, he gets another chance.”
I can honestly admit, my wife and I have gone a few rounds pointing out some complaining issues in one another. Of course, the typical first response is denial but I know deep down I tend to complain when things aren’t going right or done the way I think they ought to be.
I think of the Israelites in the desert for 40 years after being rescued from slavery in Egypt. It wasn’t very long before they began to complain and think life as a slave would be better than living in the desert. Their grumblings led God to leave them in the desert for 40 years until the generation died off.
Step 2 – Accept responsibility for your own actions. How many times have you heard someone complaining about how terrible their life is because of what another person did? People with a victim mentality have a difficult time accepting responsibility for their actions and blame their own stupid mistakes on others.
For some, it is easier to pass the blame than accept the fact they aren’t in control, that they are being controlled by something or someone. Or they simply refuse to accept responsibility for their actions because they don’t think they are hurting anyone but themselves.
Continue reading “How to Stop Complaining”
I don’t think there are many that would pass on the chance to improve their lives in 30 days or less, at least until they realize their state of being is of their making. Life is full of ups and downs, and there is no happiness without sadness. We’ve developed habits and beliefs that stand in our way of fully understanding how life should be and how to feel better about it.
Sometimes people refuse to be happy, and they think everyone is out to get them. Others refuse to be sad and look at life through rose-colored glasses pushing anything negative deep inside. Happiness and sadness are the yin and yang to living a fulfilled life, and you cannot have one without the other.
Consider this: When was the last time you did any maturing or emotional growing? I’d venture to guess it was during a time of great struggle and sadness. If sadness is dealt with properly, it can lead to growth, and improperly it can lead to resentment, bitterness, and self-pity.
On the other hand, happiness isn’t always good. It feels good to be happy but during long periods of happiness there isn’t much growth, and though life feels good you might grow complacent and forget to push yourself to improve. I don’t know about you, but during the good times I seem to push God out and try to take things over on my own. One good reason my good times tend to not last very long.
Continue reading “How to Improve Your Life in 30 Days or Less”
Have you noticed that some people bounce back better than others? It’s a proven fact; some people are much more resilient than others. Why is that? Are they just better at handling difficulties in life? In this post, we’re going to look at several possibilities to determine why this is the case and how you can begin to learn how to become more resilient.
When we experience an unexpected trial such as divorce or child custody we might be asking ourselves the wrong questions. So, what are the wrong questions? The questions might include:
Continue reading “How Good Are You at Bouncing Back?”
I’m certainly no stranger to mistakes. I made plenty when I was married to my first wife, and I continue to test the waters. When I slipup, which I do daily, there is no one harder on me than myself. It’s very easy for me to start asking the ‘what if’ question, “What if I would have done this instead of that?”
Obviously, it’s easy to look back and see how you could have handled the situation differently but living in a ‘what if’ world can rob you of having any hope for the future. It pollutes your mind and your relationships – What If, Kills HOPE!
I’m all for learning from mistakes and trying to avoid them in the future, but so often people get stuck in the past. My biggest hang-up is thinking about all the poor decisions I made when I was in high school and early twenties. OMG! If only I would have made different choices then maybe I could retire early or be the CEO of a multi-billion dollar company. The possibilities are endless. What if????
Continue reading “The Not So Silent Killer of Hope”
How do you feel at the end of your day? Do you feel good about how it played out and all that you accomplished or do you feel frustrated, tired and overwhelmed because you didn’t get to half the things you wanted to do?
This day and age it can be difficult to check off all the tasks on your ‘to do’ list. More things are continually being added. Even with technology, fast food and self-serve things aren’t getting any easier. It seems with every new advancement more is expected from us, the age of instant gratification isn’t making things easier – it’s just making us want MORE. Nevertheless, you can maximize your happiness at the end of the day by following these 5 simple steps.
Continue reading “Get the Most Out of Your Day”
Living in the Moment vs. Reflection
I don’t know what it is about Sunday nights. When most people are sleeping and the morning hours quickly approaching I begin to contemplate my life, relationship with God, goals, beliefs, mistakes, family’s health, my next step in this journey and things that make no sense whatsoever. It makes for a very long and frustrating night. I’ve come to accept that living in the moment, and getting some sleep, isn’t always going to happen (no matter how much I want it).
Granted, the timing for my reflection could use a bit of adjusting, but the thinking in itself provides me with an opportunity to check-in. Am I meeting my goals? Have I neglected my family? Am I nurturing my relationship with God? Have I been overly self-centered? Was my impact on society positive or negative over the past few days?
Reflection, when done correctly, provides the opportunity to see where we are doing good and areas for improvement. Reflection, done improperly, will lead to a poor me mentality, pity parties, and low self-esteem.
Continue reading “Mirror, Mirror on the Wall”
This may sound a bit odd, but I am looking forward to spring cleaning. I love to have a place for everything and everything in its place, but over the course of time, I seem to accumulate more ‘stuff’ than I need or want. This applies to scars and old memories as well.
Just like in our homes our past has cobwebs that need to be taken down and discarded. Living in the present requires we let go of things in the past (most often emotional but could be physical) and I think a lot of it is simply forgiving ourselves.
Continue reading “How Spring Cleaning Can Help You Live in the Present”
The question of how many failures can a person take probably doesn’t cross your mind until you are hit with a surge of failure. We’ve all failed at some of the challenges life has bestowed upon us. Whether it is at school, work, doing the right thing, sin or in our relationships with other people. Each day we are faced with the opportunity to fail at something.
It doesn’t matter who you are, and whether you are bad or good, rich or poor, married or divorced you will not be spared from failure. With a surge of failure, especially major failure, you may lose hope and feel like giving up. It can be tempting to slap a band-aid on the problem and look for a quick fix. We humans hate pain, especially emotional pain, and will unknowingly create additional problems for ourselves simply to feel better in the short-term.
We all have different thresholds for failure before feeling like giving up. We know that failure is a test, an opportunity to learn and try a different approach. But for many, it leads to falling victim to everyone and everything. Life, God, and everyone is out to get them, and there is nothing they can do about it except accept defeat. Failure should never be allowed to win! Everyone deserves to be successful and live the life God intended.
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Tips for Living the Life You’ve Always NOT Wanted
I’m always writing about how to live life to the fullest, heal from the past and find hope in the future but it dawned on me that some people may not want that. Instead, they find comfort in misery and to feel anything else would leave them out of sorts.
Living a wretched, miserable life is pretty easy. I’ve been down that road a few times and if you follow these simple steps, you can too.
Continue reading “How to Have a Wretched Life”
Maintaining a healthy balance in life can be tricky. It doesn’t take much to throw things out of whack and if not corrected the imbalance can reduce the quality of life and relationships we once had or desire. It is easy to let things begin to slide thinking we’ll get back on track but sometimes it’s easier said than done. New demands push healthy habits to the wayside and before we know it the time used to spend with God is cut in half, workouts are 2 times per week instead of 5, or you don’t have the time to relax with your friends or family like you used to. In essence, this one new demand of your life, whatever it is, has taken control and affected nearly every other area.
I think this happens from time to time, things get out of alignment, but as we feel our way around, we usually discover a new equilibrium. Demands at work can change, family dynamics shift, or our health takes a turn for the worse. Many things can interrupt life’s delicate balance.
Continue reading “Finding Balance in Life”