Have you ever thought you complain too much? Maybe you’ve noticed (or someone has pointed it out) that complaining has become second nature. Honestly, it isn’t your fault, and it’s actually part of how our society is wired. A couple of the big problems with complaining are that it is draining and can hurt the relationships around you. Many people are naturally negative, and our society is geared toward the negative. Any local or national news station tells you that. Most breaking news lead with headlines of doom and gloom and it isn’t very often you hear a story with a positive twist. I know it is hard for me sometimes even to watch the news because I get so angry when I see what people are capable of doing. I can turn uncaring or indifferent because I just don’t know what do with how I am feeling.
As a Christian, I am called to care and to take a different path—a path of love and gratitude without complaining. But it can be difficult to break the habit of complaining, especially if you are going through a rough patch in life.
To better understand complaining and how to stop let’s first take a look at the different types of complainers. See if you can identify which category you can relate to the most.
4 Types of Complainers
- The Martyr – This is my favorite, only because it fits me best and nobody is better than I am at throwing a pity party. I also like to call this the poor me mentality.
- The Whiner – Since life isn’t fair then I might as well complain about it rather than do something about it mentality.
- The Cynic – If it is just going to get dirty again then why to bother cleaning it up and nothing will ever change mentality.
- The Perfectionist – Nagging, arguing and complaining are all typical of a perfectionist. If nothing is ever right or your kids are complaining non-stop, ask yourself who their example may be?
How to Stop Complaining in 5 Easy Steps
The first step, and typically the hardest, is admitting there is a problem. Not somebody else’s problem but your problem. Proverbs 28:13 “A man who refuses to admit his mistakes can never be successful. But if he confesses and forsakes them, he gets another chance.”
I can honestly admit, my wife and I have gone a few rounds pointing out some complaining issues in one another. Of course, the typical first response is denial but I know deep down I tend to complain when things aren’t going right or done the way I think they ought to be.
I think of the Israelites in the desert for 40 years after being rescued from slavery in Egypt. It wasn’t very long before they began to complain and think life as a slave would be better than living in the desert. Their grumblings led God to leave them in the desert for 40 years until the generation died off.
Step 2 – Accept responsibility for your own actions. How many times have you heard someone complaining about how terrible their life is because of what another person did? People with a victim mentality have a difficult time accepting responsibility for their actions and blame their own stupid mistakes on others.
For some, it is easier to pass the blame than accept the fact they aren’t in control, that they are being controlled by something or someone. Or they simply refuse to accept responsibility for their actions because they don’t think they are hurting anyone but themselves.
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