I’m certainly no stranger to mistakes. I made plenty when I was married to my first wife, and I continue to test the waters. When I slipup, which I do daily, there is no one harder on me than myself. It’s very easy for me to start asking the ‘what if’ question, “What if I would have done this instead of that?”
Obviously, it’s easy to look back and see how you could have handled the situation differently but living in a ‘what if’ world can rob you of having any hope for the future. It pollutes your mind and your relationships – What If, Kills HOPE!
I’m all for learning from mistakes and trying to avoid them in the future, but so often people get stuck in the past. My biggest hang-up is thinking about all the poor decisions I made when I was in high school and early twenties. OMG! If only I would have made different choices then maybe I could retire early or be the CEO of a multi-billion dollar company. The possibilities are endless. What if????
Continue reading “The Not So Silent Killer of Hope”
You’re probably telling yourself that it is impossible to transition from marriage to divorce easily and I would have to agree with you. However, many of us make things harder than they need to be. Here are 10 tips to make the transition easier.
Continue reading “How to Make the Transition of Divorce Easier”
Don’t loneliness drive you to make bad decisions simply because it’s that time of the year again.
It’s that time of year again, Valentine’s Day, where lovers come together and exchange flowers, presents, candy, loving words and greeting cards (otherwise known as valentines).
Brief History on Valentine’s Day
Bishop Demetri of the Orthodox Research Institute, states that “St. Valentine was a priest near Rome around the year 270 A.D, a time when the church was enduring great persecution. His ministry was to help the Christians escape this persecution, and provide them the sacraments, such as marriage, which was outlawed by the Roman Empire at that time.” St Valentine was persecuted as a Christian and interrogated by Roman Emperor Claudius II in person. Claudius was impressed by Valentine and had a discussion with him, attempting to get him to convert to Roman paganism to save his life. Valentine refused and tried to convert Claudius to Christianity instead. Because of this, he was executed. Before his execution, he is reported to have performed a miracle by healing Julia, the blind daughter of his jailer Asterius. The jailer’s daughter and his forty-four member household (family members and servants) came to believe in Jesus and were baptized.
Continue reading “Love is in the Air”
Madalyn (my 8-year-old) loves to play with our neighbor’s little girl. I am always surprised that they argue so much and tend not to want to share, but at the end of the day, they still want to hang out together. When Madalyn is in bed, I tell her she should be nicer and ask why she was so mean. Of course, she says, “I don’t know, just sometimes I am mean.” Hmmm. I get to thinking how often I would tell her how great she is doing and say, “You are so much like your dad.” But when she acts out and is mean someone else says, “You are so much like your dad.” And you know what? They are probably right. I get the good and the bad.
I don’t think everyone can live a life as a full-time peacemaker, but at times we all have to do some peacemaking. If you are faced with divorce with children, it can be hard to want to take the high road and be the peacemaker. Too often it feels better to simply avoid the problem or just give in to the other person hoping the problem goes away but neither of these options resolves the conflict.
Continue reading “Stepping Stones to Peacemaking”
Divorce has a way of isolating a person from the very things that may help them recover. Many people find themselves ashamed, embarrassed and feeling like failures that they often hide the fact they are going through a divorce. Instead of reaching out for help they withdraw from society or try to keep so busily that they never have to think about it.
It has always amazed me that there are countless support groups addressing various problems people have. Quitting smoking, losing weight, sex addiction, drug addictions, suicide prevention and so on but there aren’t that many programs out there that embrace people going through a divorce. I am not talking about marriage counseling. Instead, I am referring to being able to overcome and cope with the destructive nature of divorce and for those families with children, learning how to parent from two separate households. With a quick search on the Internet, it is estimated that nearly 1,000,000 divorces occur each year. That affects 2,000,000 adults and their children that are affected by divorce each year.
Continue reading “You Are Not Alone”
There are many negative things you can turn to when going through a difficult time in your life. Many people turn to food, alcohol, new relationships or the never-ending pity party. However, you don’t have to make a bad situation worse by doing things that will hurt you in the long-term.
After a divorce, relationship problems can linger on and on, especially if you have a hard time letting go of the past or if there are children involved. It can be a very depressing time in a person’s life; emotions are all over the place. Sometimes it is difficult to find hope and move on with our lives. During difficult times we overlook the power of music and how it affects our mood.
Continue reading “Change Your Mood with Music”
It’s that time again…the holidays are quickly approaching and this season can be a difficult time for those who have gone through a divorce. However, the holiday blues don’t just occur in people who have been divorced. Death, financial hardship, and distance from loved ones can all contribute to the holiday blues. For a long time I dreaded the holidays and couldn’t wait until they were over, but that was before I learned how to deal with the stress the holiday season can bring.
Continue reading “Holiday Blues”
Losing someone close to you whether it be divorce or death can lead to the same feelings such as; sadness, anger, loss, loneliness, and hopelessness. You probably even want them back, but you are powerless. This is all part of grieving, a normal reaction to losing someone you love.
There are several ways to grieve and to learn to accept the divorce. Try not to ignore your feelings and the grief you are feeling. If you feel overwhelmed, consumed or extremely depressed by the divorce, you should seek support at church, from family and friends, or a counselor.
Continue reading “Getting Help for Your Grief”
Grief after divorce can be an on-going process. Everyone’s grief is different, and people deal with it in their way and in their own time. The feelings of intense grief should lessen over time; ignoring, suppressing or rushing it won’t make your grief go away. You simply need to deal with it and let it run its course.
Continue reading “Grief after Divorce Still Got You Down”
Relationship problems and divorce are a major cause of stress, anxiety, and depression. If not dealt with they can lead to other health problems and affect your mental and physical health.
It is estimated that over 17 percent of the U.S. population has an anxiety disorder that requires some form of treatment. In the olden days, you may be prescribed medication to deal with your anxiety, but evidence may suggest that regular exercise reduces anxiety. Anxiety often becomes too much when life gets overwhelming, and the demands exceed a person’s ability to cope. A person may begin to worry too much, have self-doubt and apprehension affecting their day-to-day life.
Continue reading “Reduce Anxiety with Exercise”