Asking Why vs Asking What

asking why vs what

Why? Is a huge question when it comes to divorce. Why did you cheat on me? Why don’t you love me anymore? Why didn’t God stop this from happening? Why me? There are so many different ways to ask why hoping that the answer will bring some comfort, but in reality, the answer is rarely comforting.

For example; if you were to ask your spouse (ex) why they don’t love you anymore they are likely going to give you an answer that revolves around everything you did wrong. “because you work too much”, “because you don’t treat me right”, “because I met someone else”. All those answers and I am sure there are many more, really stink and pierce the heart. Between God, myself and close friends we can usually find areas we need to improve on. We don’t need to hear if from our ex or soon to be.
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Rebuilding Life after Divorce

rebuilding life after divorce

Divorce can make many of us feel like we have lost everything. It affects our finances, emotions, spirituality, family, health, and our social sphere. If we were to compare divorce with a disaster, I think we could easily pull it off. As with disasters divorce is devastating for most and often unexpected.

So what takes place after a disaster (divorce)? There are typically three phases:

  1. Rescuing
  2. Resuming
  3. Rebuilding

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Online Journaling Is Healing

online journaling is healing

I’ve mentioned before how I started; it was a way for me to express myself and let out how I was feeling. It was a way for me to process the different things I was going through even if I did not fully understand what was going on. This website has been a work in process for many years now growing as I grow, at least I hope I am growing.

Online journaling is healing for me, and it makes me consider the situations I encounter with the end result in mind. For example, I no longer just say, “I am angry.” I try to figure out why lessons learned, and how this can help others. Publishing this website has done more than help me to grow but it has brought new people into my life. I feel we all have a purpose; a holy mission and there is a reason for everything that happens.
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Eating Alone after Divorce

eating alone after divorce

There are so many things that a person has to get used to after going through a divorce, and for some, the simple task of eating alone can be one of them. There are probably a lot of people out there that know very little about cooking and can’t stand the taste of their food while others are fantastic cooks but hate to eat alone. Whichever it is, with a little practice and patience you can and will overcome.

Eating alone after divorce requires a person to feel comfortable with themselves and the fact that they are alone. This can be eating at home or in public. As each day passes we become more and more independent, and things begin to get easier. However, it can be uncomfortable at times. The key thing to remember is that it takes time.
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Dealing with Anxiety after Divorce

dealing with anxiety after divorce

Life has its anxious moments already; public speaking, meeting deadlines, searching for work, getting stuck in traffic, just to name a few. In my life, it is evident that divorce leads to additional anxiety. I would find myself sitting in my car and the anxiousness to get home was overwhelming. In all honesty, it is hard to explain. My heart would race and pound, and my breathing would become shallow for what seemed like no apparent reason.

I wasn’t much of a worrier until after my divorce. Now I had plenty to worry about. Can I survive off one income, will I make a good dad, will I ever find love again, how will I do it all alone, and WHY did this happen? All these things, and more, would make me feel keyed up and unable to relax. At times it would come and go, and at times it would be constant. It could go on for days. I just couldn’t let something go.
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Coping with the Holidays after Divorce

coping with the holidays after divorce

The holiday season is upon us, and it used to be a time of joy and love but after divorce, especially a fresh divorce, it is a time of sadness, loneliness, and despair. I wish I could tell you how to get rid of the feelings you are having, but I am still trying to figure it out for myself. Coping with holidays after the divorce has been difficult for me especially since my ex-left 5 days before Christmas, but I can say that it does get easier over time.

I can also say that there are things that you can do to help manage the stress and loneliness of the holidays. For starters, if you have family that you can visit then consider doing so. It may not take away the loneliness completely, but it can help. If you find yourself alone you can reach out via the phone and contact people that are important to you – the key is to remember that you are not alone. There are countless people feeling the same way as you are, consider seeking them out.
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Time in the Wilderness

time in the wilderness

Do you feel alone, isolated, and cut off from hope? Perhaps you are having a wilderness experience and don’t even know it. Because of divorce we often find ourselves in a place that feels un-natural, we seem to feel cut off from the things we love, and even our cries to God feel like they fall on deaf ears. Well, guess what?? It is time to rejoice because you are not alone and God has heard your cry!

Throughout scriptures, there are examples of powerful godly men doing their time in the “wilderness.” None of them, or us for that matter, chose to enter the wilderness; it was pretty much chosen for us by others.

Joseph – envied and betrayed by his brothers (sold into slavery) who was later imprisoned because of his integrity to resist Potiphar’s wife was later used by God to save his family and all of God’s people from famine.
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God Defines You

god defines you

Broken things can be made useful!

Many of us, most likely all of us, have been in a marriage that was unhealthy, dysfunctional, and sometimes abusive. As time went on, we may have fallen victim to what our partner would say and do to us. We come to believe that we are weak, that we are the cause, that we are worthless, that we are failures, and that we are monsters.

This is often referred to as verbal and psychological abuse, but I tend to try and steer clear of labels because they are broad and I think that we all at one time or another can be “labeled.” I think that two people get in a cycle and treat each other inappropriately. For one reason or another, there is a communication break down, and healthy communication is not practiced by either party until eventually one person breaks down and starts to believe the other. We start letting our spouse define who we are. We lose our identity, our self-esteem, and our ability to stand up for ourselves.
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Peace with the Ex

peace with the ex

“So let us do all we can to live in peace. And let us work hard to build each other up.” Romans 14:19

Driving home from work last week, I found myself behind one of those cars that were plastered with “peace” type bumper stickers. As it made for good reading while sitting at the stop light, I began to think about how peace was a nice concept, but it simply isn’t human nature. On a grand scale, peace is elusive, and there is always a need for peacemakers, in fact, I think that most people want peace and that is how the anti-christ will establish a hold on the world, through the promise of peace. True peace doesn’t come until after Jesus comes back and establishes His kingdom upon this earth, but that doesn’t mean we can’t desire peace and work towards peace on a smaller personal scale.
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